Mike, don't read too much into this. I am sure this is your W's way of not having to think about your sitch all day. If she is attending MC you have alot on your side. I think you would know by now if there was someone else. So don't put too much into this. Keep doing what you are doing and don't get down on this, easier said than done I know.
I think you are right. There is no one else and no evidence of it. We had a good night tonight. I can see doubt and indecision in her eyes. I talked to her about her day and really looked into her eyes. She commented about the look I was giving her. I was happy and smiling. She got teary eyed.. I am plying 9 holes with my S24 tomorrow and when we are done my W and D2 are meeting us to eat. W's suggestion on that..may be another positive. She wants to see her step-son and spend some time together.
That is great, I hope you and your son have a great golf outing tomorrow. That is a positive step that W asked you to dinner tomorrow night. I keep waiting for that one myself. I hope you have a great day, I am sure you are seeing your W is not firm on where she stands right now, keep doing what you are doing, something appears to be working for you. I just don't see a WAS that is set on ending the marriage asking their LBS to go out to eat, it just doesn't add up. If she had her mind set on the D, you would not be going out tomorrow night. JMO.
That is great, I hope you and your son have a great golf outing tomorrow. That is a positive step that W asked you to dinner tomorrow night. I keep waiting for that one myself. I hope you have a great day, I am sure you are seeing your W is not firm on where she stands right now, keep doing what you are doing, something appears to be working for you. I just don't see a WAS that is set on ending the marriage asking their LBS to go out to eat, it just doesn't add up. If she had her mind set on the D, you would not be going out tomorrow night. JMO.
I want to believe that she is thinking that way, that she is undecided about what she wants. I'm afraid that she is doing all this so we can "just be friends" and end this.
It blows my mind that she would get a D. I mean there's no abuse, the bills are getting paid, we are having fun with our D. I know I have not been a great husband to her but using common sense and logic it just does not make sense. Why risk your own financial ruin, your D's future, my fianacial ruin?? She sees I'm changing but is not willing to change herself.
She's just so pissed, hurt and can't get through her anger. I'm afraid when I answer the D papers that our sitch will get worse. I will have to answer them next week. The 30 day clock is ticking.
What do I do. have a heart to heart with her about our sitch. Not talk about our R and just let it play out and see what happens?? make a last ditch plea? very confusing.
I want to believe that she is thinking that way, that she is undecided about what she wants. I'm afraid that she is doing all this so we can "just be friends" and end this.
I am there with you on this Mike, I feel the same way, as W has even said that she wanted to keep this Professional.
She's just so pissed, hurt and can't get through her anger. I'm afraid when I answer the D papers that our sitch will get worse. I will have to answer them next week. The 30 day clock is ticking.
Once you sign the papers, how long do you have until D is final. I am sure your W is having second thoughts, she is inviting you to dinner, this is a good sign. Hopefully you will have some time for D to be final and you can prove to her that you are changing and these changes are going to stick.
What do I do. have a heart to heart with her about our sitch. Not talk about our R and just let it play out and see what happens?? make a last ditch plea? very confusing. [/quote]
I would not have a R talk to her, I have slid so much on this, once I see things going in what I see to be the right direction, I jump in full bore like I am about to shoot a 63 on the course and can't wait to talk about it. Keep things as they are, you and I both know that we can't have R talks and anything good come from it. You have some positives, think about these, W is going to MC with you, she is asking you out to eat. I am not getting any of that, they may be baby steps but you have to start somewhere.
Yes, My W has told the MC from the very beginning that she is there to work this out so we can be freinds for our daughter.
My W has also told the MC that she sees me making changes and that I am working hard but that she can't get the feelings back for me that sghe once had.
I have not spoken to an attorney yet but plan to next week. I am sure I will contesat the D due to some of the things in the papers. I would like a little more visitation than she is offering. I am not sure how long the wait is on a divorce in Tennessee. I know there will be co-parenting classes that have to be taken and I'm sure there will mediation.
I know there are small positives but I don't really know what they mean. The MC is helping more than anything I think. We are still in the same house so we still cook for each other and all that. We are in separate beds/rooms. There is still some contact but not intimate. She let me rub her feet last night while she rubbed my back...so she had her legs wrapped around my waste. We are talking about everyday things. We are having fun with our D. She suggested eating out with my son but I don't know what that means..it may be that she just wanted to see my son, or she went just to try and get me and my son back together again. I think it's always bothered her that my son and I have not had a relationship.
I did talk with the MC on the phone yesterday. She thinks it will take 6 months minimum for us to get back what we had and have a better realtionship. The MC said I better see any attorney to protect myself. The MC still has hope. She says my W is just so angry and resentful.
I really just don't understand my W's train of thought.
The D papers have been served on me and I must answer them with in 30 days. She says as of tonight she wants to go forward but is conflicted. Really does not know hat she wants but she knows for sure that she does not want to withdraw the papers.
The clock is ticking on me and I must retain a lawyer, which will cost me mucho grande $$$$. It will be contested when I do this and it's going to make her upset I am sure.
She wants to continue with MC.
I can't figure out why you would risk financial ruin of her and my life, D2 loss of 2 parents in the house...I just don't get it.
In the mean time we are playing happy family with the exception of sleeping together..I do not F****** get it.
Last edited by M from Tennessee; 04/19/0812:37 AM.
Mike, I feel the same way that you do, how can they be willing to give up everything we have built together, house, money, parents together, vacations together and so on. I guess when we drive them to this point they really believe this is best for them. IMHO, I still feel your W is not 100% sure what she wants, she even told you this, she could be testing the waters by seeing if she told you she still wants the D to see if you would go back to your old self. I feel this way at times that I am going through a test and W is seeing if I will pass or fail. Your W is still going to MC, good things can come from this, she is going to MC, good things can come from this also. Keep moving in the right direction, obviously she is second guessing herself right now.
Mike, I feel the same way that you do, how can they be willing to give up everything we have built together, house, money, parents together, vacations together and so on. I guess when we drive them to this point they really believe this is best for them. IMHO, I still feel your W is not 100% sure what she wants, she even told you this, she could be testing the waters by seeing if she told you she still wants the D to see if you would go back to your old self. I feel this way at times that I am going through a test and W is seeing if I will pass or fail. Your W is still going to MC, good things can come from this, she is going to MC, good things can come from this also. Keep moving in the right direction, obviously she is second guessing herself right now.
I just stay frustrated man. My son gets sworn in at a police department in my hometown on Monday morning at 11:00am. I sent my W an email telling her this morning, my son had asked me to do that. I'm thinking she won't bite, she will pass. I'll be damned if she does not reply back that she will attempt to make it. She wants to see her step son sworn in, but wants to D me...Hell I'm stumped.
If this is a test it pisses me off a little. I'm going to have to retain an attorney and that will be big $$$..My W is worth it, but damn it sucks in a way..
I just stay frustrated man. My son gets sworn in at a police department in my hometown on Monday morning at 11:00am. I sent my W an email telling her this morning, my son had asked me to do that. I'm thinking she won't bite, she will pass. I'll be damned if she does not reply back that she will attempt to make it. She wants to see her step son sworn in, but wants to D me...Hell I'm stumped.
If this is a test it pisses me off a little. I'm going to have to retain an attorney and that will be big $$$..My W is worth it, but damn it sucks in a way.. [/quote]
I hear what you are saying Mike, that is why I say it is not over. If W was really out of it, she would not want anything to do with you or your family. This is what my C tells me, normally when a spouse is ready to end things, they want out and nothing to do with their partner. Your W is not finished, keep that in mind.
I know about the dollars for the lawyer, if you recall I put a retainer fee on a lawyer about a month ago and then decided to put a hold on things as I want W to file, if she wants out so bad then she will be the one to file, not me. It is very expensive, I know.
Keep your head up, you are not done. She is still sending you mixed messages, live with those for now and continue forward.
