YAY! Thank you, K. That is my thought exactly, I am not going to "push" for him to come home.
I don't want him here b/c I want him here.
I don't want him here so he can avoid breaking our S's heart.
I don't want him here so people in the family/at work can continue to think he is a "good guy".
I don't want him here b/c he "owes" me for being such a good little wife.
And I even don't want him here b/c it is the "right" thing to do.
I want him here b/c he knows what a good thing he has and he does not want to lose it.
I avoided validating when he asked, "And you are certain this is the RIGHT decision?" because of what happened several times in the deepest part of his A, Dec-Feb. He would say, "I don't want to move", or "I don't want to be divorced" or "I don't want to hurt my kids", and the first time or two, I replied, "Then don't." But after that, if he would make and "I dont want to" comment, he would immediately look at me and in a nasty voice, say "Then don't, right? Isn't that what you are gong to say?"
So around Feb, I would reply back, "No, I won't say that. You need to do what you want to do." This time I didn't say anything at all.........
H is a very big boy and can make this decision on his own, you are right K.
