For the guys with kids and a WAW

[hopeful4her]

LWB and Lodo, thanks for your input. I think that will be the route that I take. Loving detachment. I can't ignore her. After work, I called WW if we needed anything from store. She suggested something for dinner and I agreed. She got home and started the nightly family ritual of dinner, homework, baths and such. Not a whole lot of talking between us. I engaged her first. We spoke lightly. After kids bedtime, I told WW that I was going to watch a movie that she had rented over a week ago and if she wanted to join me. She got her usual snack changed into her night gown and took her usual spot on our bed to watch. After an hour or so, she starts to doze off. I kind of expected this because again, this is normal. I kind of wanted her to fall asleep on the bed, because I would have just let her stay. Then nephew calls her phone and needs a ride home from work. She leaves to pick him up. It is about 11:15 at night. She comes back, sits and finishes the movie then nicely tells me goodnight and goes to the sofa. RRRR. I also found out that she is planning on going out on Saturday night to a local fiesta event coming up. She didn't tell me, our son mentioned that he is going to watch the girls Saturday night, so he suggested that I go out with some friends. "Mom is going out so you should also". Again, rrrrrr. If I was going to go out, it would be to the same event. I would like to go, but what if she is going to be with him. Hopefully it is with her sister or a friend, but who knows. What am I gonna do? Ask her who she's going out with? Tell her I was planning on going also.
I guess it will be loving detachment as best I could. No pursuing or going out of my way. I think that if she pushes for seperation or divorce, I am still going to fight her for the kids. I am sure on this. But in my heart, it is going to have to be her to initiate. Not sure if I can at this point. She drives me so friggin' crazy. I am so up and down. I so want to hate her but I just can't. After all she has done, I still love her. I see the good in her. I just want her to wake up. I hope she has stopped seeing him and calling him, but I think it is just wishfull thinking. The only way to find out is to snoop or ask a direct question. I want to and don't want to at the same time. I am sick of being disappointed. I have to remind myself of what she is doing to me and our beautiful family. Remind myself. Remind myself. I pray for her. I even pray for him to find his happiness somewhere else. Reconcile with wife. Something. Days like this, it's like she has stolen my backbone. I am an imposing man is size and usually very strong willed, but she can reduce me to nothing. I cannot let her do this to me. I will not let her. I pray for my strength. The Lord will see me through.