While I appreciate that your husband feels comfortable talking to your son, this whole thing is VERY inappropriate.
Your husband has no business using your son as either a counselor OR an intermediary between the two of you.
And now your son is sympathetic to your husband and has decided to turn on you? Completely unacceptable.
I'm not sure what the answer is. Ideally your husband would be grown up enough to realize how wrong it is to make his own son his personal counselor. I know you've had trouble with your son, and this certainly doesn't help.
The slipping in during the day to get his things out is yet another sign that he is still messed up inside. You mentioned before going dark on him. Is that still your plan? It seems to me that you need a way to distance yourself from his ability to continue bringing pain and chaos to you.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
