I called him after yoga class, and he picked up the phone!!! And he is going to call me back tonight....???!!!! I feel ready to hyperventilate, I am trying to practice deep breathing and calm myself down....
I called him, he picked up, and I said, "I just called to say hi and see how you're doing!" he told me he was tired and that he was practicing, but had to be finished by 9 pm because of the "curfew" on noise in his apt. Then I said, "If you're up against a deadline, maybe I should let you go?" it was a little awkward for a while b/c I wasn't sure if we were going to have a little conversation or not.
Then he asked me how I was doing, and I told him about my concert last week with my piano quartet that went really well, and how I got so moved during the performance I almost lost control b/c I was so happy. And I also told him about our trip last week to Christian City, the retirement home, and how we played 5 concerts in one day and how one little old man told me that he played the musical saw and another one performed for us on his harmonica, and I said to B, "This isn't just a great audience, there's a lot of talent here, we should be collaborating!!" And then he laughed and I laughed too. I also said that being at the retirement community reminded me of his grandpa, who is a retired minister who runs services at a place like that.
Then I asked how he was doing, and he told me he had checked out a great apartment in the Queens borough of NYC (with a foozball table in the entryway and a big kitchen). He said that he couldn't do it in the end b/c he realized looking at the map that there were no parks for miles around. Where he lives now, he has lots of little parks, and can walk to the river, and central park too (he's in manhattan). Also the apt took a lot longer to get to than he thought it would.
He told me that things were going better now with his roommate, but there was a time in january where he was ready to leave. He said that he accepted the fact that this was his roommate's place, and that B was just subletting from roommate, and some things just weren't going to change. And he said since then, things have really shifted with his roommmate and been a lot more relaxed and easier.
He also said that his apartment was a "dump" and that his roommate was a "whiny b!tch" and I laughed. But inside I thought, this is good, this is REALLY good, I had actually been hoping he would see the other things in his life, not just the R, that were making him unhappy, and praying that there would be major improvement in his living situation. And I'm very happy that he is taking baby steps at least to address major things in his life (like a crappy apt/roommate situation) that are making him unhappy.
He told me that he was probably going to be in the apt for a while longer. And he mentioned two of the other people in his quartet, so I assume he is still in the quartet, but planning to stay in New York... which is good... no imminent departure for the midwest !!
All in all, just under 12 minutes.
At the end, I said, "here I am chattering away, I should let you practice"! And then he said, "will you be around later?" (???!!!) And I said, "yeah, totally," and then he said he would call me later (tonight, I presume) and I told him, "Feel free to call me anytime" which might have made things LESS clear, b/c it wasn't like I said "we'll talk tonight", but, I felt like I needed to slip that in sometime, to show that it was safe for him to call me whenever he wanted.
Overall, I think I did a good job being happy, friendly, relaxed. Maybe I talked too much at the beginning but I wanted to "set the tone" and show him that I was happy so he could feel comfortable. He wasn't as happy and excited as the last time we talked, but he was practicing late and already tired, so he didn't have to pick up the phone at all.
POSITIVES: -he picked up the phone -HE WANTED TO CALL ME LATER instead of just get off the phone -he is planning to be in NYC for "a while longer" -he is seeing things in his life that he could change to be happier (apt/roommate) -he is taking a step (with his apt/roommate) to make his life better by looking at another place to live -we laughed together numerous times -he shared something about his feelings (expressing frustration about his roommate and apt)
Definitely a different mood than last time, nothing like, "I'm so glad to hear you're alive" or "It's good to hear your voice" but... I am not going to overanalyze that. He was probably already a little happy/excited last time from just coming out of a performance and feeling totally surprised.
DEEP BREATH DEEP BREATH DEEP BREATH
I am focusing on: connecting
and building another tiny little bridge of friendship.
