Hi LL, Thanks for the reply, it's nice to know that other people are out there who are experiencing similar feelings and emotions. I didn't get a chance to look for your stitch, but I will after this reply. But I do have a few questions for you and other people out there who would like to respond..So what do you do when you have flashbacks..is it better to try to suppress those thoughts when it first occurs or should you address them together..it would be nice to do it in counseling but a counselor can't be there 24 hours during the day. It's funny how they come about..a word or material object can bring it back. I get this hot, heavy, breathless and sick feeling first in the pit of my stomach, then it runs up my chest and neck when it comes..not quite sure what it is..more like a whirl of emotions..rage, anger, pain, confusion, etc. At that very momment I feel like I was there all over again. So far I have been pretty good about trying to stay calm...punching bag, working out, walking away etc. And I've also gave my H a few hints on what triggers it..for me trying to get rid of every material, smell, or words make it a lot easier; "getting rid of all the drama and garbage", is what I called it when I moved on w/o H and now since he's back in the picture he opened an old wound", also I tell him I need reassurance from him on his part in regards to what happened and how he feels has been helpful for me. So what do you do when you experience them and how do you handle it? Is it normal to feel like you want to be revengeful (I honestly would love to punch OW out, but at the same time I'm trying to be rash..I still sense the immaturity side of me and if I was placed in the same room I'm not sure how I would react..more for wanting to avoid complications w/ the law I've tried my best to avoid the temptation of doing it, it's funny I'm not usually the physical type person, I guess only when I'm pushed that far) either to your WAS or to OW/OM and carrying it out, would you recommend it or not..probably not for humanitarian reasons, but at the same time it would give me brief momment of pleasure in a non-christian way. Should they be remoreseful, for me husband feels like he made a mistake and was wrong, but he has so much pride that he justifies it partly being that it would never have happened if I didn't do wrong in the first place. I try to understand and look at things with a open mind and from his perspective. As I posted previously, I've made my share of mistakes, but it never involved a 2nd person, cheating, or me walking away emotionally or physically for a long period of time. Also do you think an EA is any easier than a PA? I can distinguish between the two but at the same time it's hard to not believe that they don't go hand in hand? How do you handle the doubts and fears..."if he/she really loved me and cared about me and our marriage why would they have done that, isn't cheating the ultimate betrayal and destruction to a relationship?" and is there really blame on both parts of the spouses to what lead up to the cheating? And do you regret talking to OW, would it been easier to know less than what you know now and how much should you pursue in knowing more from spouse? Curiousity can be good sometimes but it can also be more hurtful at the end. I've been on both ends, wanting to know the answers to questions and giving them..I appreciate the need for honesty in a relationship, but also at the same time in reality we would all love that to be true but for a lot of us we all have skeletons in our closets..I know that having to tell the truth at times when you are put on the hot seat, you face the dilemma of being honest or wanting to prevent further damage to the situation. And you don't know which one is any better or worse. It may not be a hard choice for some people, but depending on the situation and other variables, it can be a tough one. One last question...how would you react if your spouse were to tell you that at the time this is how I may have felt or wanted at the time to be w/ OW or OM but now they realize they just used her/him to hurt you or used them as a crutch/ distraction ... can you believe that is true or just a lie to soften up the previous blow? Sorry about the 20 questions, but these are a few of the questions going through my head at times. This is all new to me..we were seperated before, but for a shorter time and I guess I know less the first time/or the situation wasn't as extreme, plus I was younger at the time...but all these emotions are somewhat new to me..7 months ago I would of taken him back in a heartbeat without a second thought but it's different now for me..and as you said having it slapped in my face having to put it away for so long I'm faced with having to deal with suppressed feelings that I have put away in my mind and it's almost a bit overwhelming at times. I look and sound pretty calm in person and w/ my H but my emotions and mind is secretly twirling everytime I have a flashback.. Also, I swear I'm not trying to do a survey or write a book..and I know that everybody's situation is different and we would all react in our own way, but it's nice to look at if from a different perspective. Thanks Dimples. P.S. are we ever going to forget after we forgive???
