Midst of D, R even further on the downswing

[NoDirection]

KerryK,
It is funy that in their minds leaving the marriage is going out and enjoying the freedom from what was left behind. In my case, as I am sure it is in yours, you divorced the woman. Not the chioldren you had together. One of my greatest joys is spending time with our S.

We will never truly understand what goes on in their heads. In all honesty, I do not want too. In the long run, we will be the people our children come to in a time of need and the one who they look back at as always being there for them. Our X's are so short sighted in all of this that they will never understand that and to us come the rewards...

[runningoutoftime]

Well, there's the irony.... and also a good reason for patience, and to not take their threats of witholding kids too seriously....

In the long run, they will want their freedom too. Few D women want to be a 100% full-time moms. Divorced women (particularly the selfish ones!) will want their time to date, time with OM and no kids, etc......

More than likely as things calm down, you'll have plenty of time with child.

[NoDirection]

She has used him as a bargaining chip already to try and get me to move out of the house. She still tries to use him as a pawn in our arguments but now that there is a custody order involved she is slowly learning that she is not in control.

How she is handling it is a different story... She is still like a three year old, screams and yells to try and get me to sway my stance. It worked in the past because I wanted to work with her and I am so easy going, that I really did not care. Now that I won't, she does not know how to handle it except for yelling at me and trying to keep our S away from me.

It will all be over soon enough...

[runningoutoftime]

The only one in control is the courts (the judge) so that's where all energy needs to be focused. But, stay nice and calm. When you do see her give her a compliment (say she looks nice or is wearing something nice). It may throw her off-guard and hopefully calm things down.

[NoDirection]

I have tried to take the appropriate steps to difusing the situation. Two days ago, as soon as I came home from work, she left and did not return until 10. So yesterday, I made sure I was not home until 10pm myself.

I have told her that I am willing to work with her but she has to be fair. She really has never been able to do that in her life so that is one reason why she is having difficulty now.

[RMG77739]

I have tried to take the appropriate steps to difusing the situation. Two days ago, as soon as I came home from work, she left and did not return until 10. So yesterday, I made sure I was not home until 10pm myself.

I have told her that I am willing to work with her but she has to be fair. She really has never been able to do that in her life so that is one reason why she is having difficulty now.

ND,

In your case, I would simply sit down and break the week up 50/50. I think you need to set some boundaries.

Take Care,

RMG

[NoDirection]

RMG,
The courts have done that and bascially broken things down 50/50 since she refused to do so earlier in the D. The biggest problem is that my STBX has never had to compromise so much in her life. her demands are completely one sided and meeting in the middle has not been successful. We have fought over things and she has a knack of doing it in front of our son. Also, the boundaries she sets are for me, not for her. Ultimately, she still wants to dictate when I have time with my son and essentially control teh situation.

If things are fair, then I am completely fine with that. Her past behavior has not shown that and coming to a compromise ends up being a bloodbath in front of our son.

[NoDirection]

RMG,
The courts have done that and bascially broken things down 50/50 since she refused to do so earlier in the D. The biggest problem is that my STBX has never had to compromise so much in her life. her demands are completely one sided and meeting in the middle has not been successful. We have fought over things and she has a knack of doing it in front of our son. Also, the boundaries she sets are for me, not for her. Ultimately, she still wants to dictate when I have time with my son and essentially control teh situation.

If things are fair, then I am completely fine with that. Her past behavior has not shown that and coming to a compromise ends up being a bloodbath in front of our son.

[RMG77739]

RMG,
The courts have done that and bascially broken things down 50/50 since she refused to do so earlier in the D. The biggest problem is that my STBX has never had to compromise so much in her life. her demands are completely one sided and meeting in the middle has not been successful. We have fought over things and she has a knack of doing it in front of our son. Also, the boundaries she sets are for me, not for her. Ultimately, she still wants to dictate when I have time with my son and essentially control teh situation.

If things are fair, then I am completely fine with that. Her past behavior has not shown that and coming to a compromise ends up being a bloodbath in front of our son.

ND,

I thought the court had established formal guidelines for visitation and the two of you were informally working on a different visitation schedule. I guess I was writing if you cannot come to an informal agreement with your W and she wants to always change it to suit her whims, you will need to have the court enforce the formal agreement.

Take Care,

RMG

[NoDirection]

RMG,
That was the thing. She would take off with our S on a whim and be gone for days at a time. She would make sure he was not home when I was there in an attempt to get me to move out.

A misunderstanding on that. Thank you for the support. I am only a few months away from this all being over and done with and I can move on with my life...