Totally Lost after 23 years

[CBK]

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, just got back from MC - I was not strong! I was doing so well, the MC brought up the OM - I tried to hold strong saying this was her issue to deal with - even though I know that she thinks she loves him and doesn't love me any longer. Then she said that she wants to stay in the house and I should move out so she can have her independence - I said no way am I moving. The kids are coming home next week and I said you wanted the sep - and want to be on your own, so go for it! She turned it around that I am using the kids - and I wasn't - I was sitting there thinking what a bi$%$! I got upset at the MC at the end saying this was not a good session for me as I am trying to listen more and then I break down and start to cry. I tried to hold them back, but the waterworks started.

Shoot - at the end, we walked out, the W said she is not judging me in the MC session - BS!!! Everything I do is being judged. I am so pissed off right now it is not even funny.

I am so friggin lost right now, because of the OM, I have broken off some of my support group because I couldn't tell thme about OM - so her she is telling everybody that our marriage has been broken for so long and that we will separate because H is an a@@ and didn't figure me out. Part of that is true, but she is not going to tell anybody about the A. That is part of the reason I think she needs to be the one that moves out - that it wasn't all my fault and the issues are deepre that what she is saying to everybody.

God help me - I am not a violent man, I always though myself fair, a little slow on the clues, but a good man.

Durning the session, she even said that some jewlery I gave her for her birthday was not as cherished as much because she I told the story during a dinner party that I spent 2 friggin hours in Tiffany's shoping for her - she said that story should have just been ours. I said I was trying to tell them how special you are and it took that long to pick out just the right piece. I can understand what she is saying NOW - but why the F couldn't she have said things to me before.

I am so frustrated!! Luckily, I have IC tonight. I am going to have to find another guy as I don't think he is that helpful sometimes...

Grant me pease of mind Lord!!!