Saving Myself

[smokry]

Thanks, Sandra. I told him pretty much exactly what you said. Makes me feel good to have someone understand me and be in my corner.

You're welcome!

I've been struggling with why did I waste so much of my life being a miserable graduate student and a miserable psychologist, when now I don't even want the damn degree!

Well at least you know now what you DON'T want to be and can move forward with figuring out what it is you need/want to be! I believe it is never too late to start something new. I too am questioning lately what it is that I need to be doing. I'm not sure teaching public school is it. I LOVE to teach but there is soooo much crap that goes on in public school that I'm not sure I can see myself doing that for the next 20 yrs.

I also live in fear that people I know and have to face day to day will find out what I did. Seems like some people have affairs (maybe most?) and when it's over, the only people who really know are the spouse & the person who had the affair

Hmmm...I don't know about that. When my stepdad cheated on my mom she told EVERYONE that would listen! When it all came out about my A (even though mind you I never actually admitted the physical part)- my H told EVERYONE who would listen. He even called the vet's office and told the receptionist to put our bill in his name at his new address and told her about it! Of course he NEVER paid the bill for our dogs and the next time I needed the vet- I had to pay the 300.00! Anyways, I digress...What I'm trying to say is that even though your A seems rather public- it probably would have been anyway. Your H or the OM would have told people and whether there was proof or not the rumors would have spread. My H went to his work and told all of them that his W was having an A with his best friend. I can assure you I felt rather weird the first time I went to his office after that and had to talk to some of the secretaries. It was very awkward.

WEll, I guess anyone who cheats leaves themselves open to having other people find out about it - including co-workers and close friends...I guess I could use some support/insight about how to deal with this from that perspective, too.

How true! But you could also say that anyone who does anything wrong (like in my husband's case- being so financially irresponsible)leaves themselves open to other people knowing. Look at it this way- your friends and family love you no matter what(they love the person, hate the sin)and they are going to be there for you. If not then they really aren't your friends! They will not judge you. My friends have been very supportive. My co-workers either didn't mention it or offered their prayers for my M problems. (Of course, I didn't talk about it much- I kept a very low profile when the worst was going on. Even lied and told them I had a horse riding accident to cover for my H when he threw the can at me and sent me to the ER)And talk about feeling ashamed...At the time I was teaching in a Baptist private school knowing that what was happening was wrong and feeling guilty daily! It was definatley not my shining moment! As far as petty gossip mongers- I decided that they were not important in my life and I didn't care what they did or didnt' think. They are nothing to me.

When I go out either with or without H- I hold my head up and make eye contact with people and act like all is well. (We live in a SMALL town!) I have confessed my sin, I have asked God to forgive me for EVERYTHING and my H to forgive me for my part in our M problems and I am taking steps to hopefully save my M. I can't worry about what other people are doing. Not to say that I didn't feel ashamed- I just had to decide to move forward and get past that!

And last but not least...the more time that passes the less people talk about it...AND- if you wait long enough someone else will do something more exciting or sinful and then all the gossipers will turn their attention from you to them! Kinda like the news...you will make headlines for a while but then the public gets tired of your story and needs more dirt so they dig it up on someone else!

Seems like some people have affairs (maybe most?)

Just a comment on that most part...I was listening to some audio tapes by Jamey Ragle (great christian speaker) and he said the 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Of the 50% that stay together 1/2 of those have been affected by one or both spouses having an affair! Very frightening...marriage is HARD!!!!

I guess the good news is we put a contract on a house exactly in the neighborhood we want! It's smaller than the one we have, but we can add on to it as we get our finances back in order.

Good luck on your contract- hope it works out! Hang in there and keep working hard!