I was wondering the same thing as Trixi. Whether its emotional connection or just a connection in general, the acting 'as if' seems to be counterintuitive. Why does this make the spouse want to come back, whether the case is that they are with someone else or if they are just not fully engaged in the marriage?
Errr... Sounds like both you and trixi, are maybe having confusion, by letting the "..." in "act as if..." be undefined.
"act as if.." what?
Where does it say in DB or DR, "act as if your marriage is going to be fine?"
it doesnt.
What it DOES say, is (paraphrased a little)
"If you are heading for [a confrontation/discussion/whatever....] (or even just "coming home"!), and there are two or more possible outcomes, one of which is 'your spouse will be nice to you', and the other is, 'your spouse will react nastily'... act as if your spouse will be nice to you, rather than expecting a negative experience.".
The concept being that if you approach a situation with negative energy, you'll get negative back, and it's a self-fulfilling negative prophesy.
This has nothing whatsoever to do with, "My spouse has asked ME for something... should I try to meet their needs" ?!!
OR even "I should pretend like everything's going to be fine in our marriage, and we're going to be reconciled no matter what".
The latter, is NOT what DB suggests you should do.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
