Thanks, shiny for the support...I posted this to you on your thread, but thought I'd put it here, too:

Yes, I DID feel a sense of "rightness" after I sent the email to the former client. I also saw him last night at a school event, introduced him to SBH, and chatted with him a bit. He definitely was OK with the boundary I set. And SBH said my interactions with him were fine. Whew.

I am REALLY having a hard time with guilt & anxiety. After the session last Thursday when I got called on the carpet for the email, I was able to allow myself to open up to the part of me that allowed that stuff to happen, very painful & threatening. Then this morning I had my own individual counseling, and she REALLY let loose on me for it. In a strong parent kind of way, but it sure does open up a lot of wounds. I entered the 2 months of receipts we had for our checking account in the afternoon, which isn't exactly and uplifting thing when you're unemployed , then went to another MC session. But I was 20 minutes late, because I wanted to finish the reconciliation of the first month's statement.

I beat myself up the whole way there, then spent the next 15 minutes talking about that stuff...anyway, I just feel drained. And, if you haven't noticed the time of this post...I woke up at about 3:30am feeling very anxious. My Dad had at least one serious panic attack (ended up in the hospital) when he was in his 20's. I'm starting to wonder if these nighttime awakenings aren't mild ones for me. I felt sort of closed in, lying in bed...the alarm clock staring me in the face, I agreed to get up at 5:15am to fix SBH's lunch, mostly b/c I felt so guilty about things (he is really hurting right now, too, not that he hasn't been really hurting for the past 6 months, but he expressed it last night and on Sunday morning). ANyway, I went to D5's bed - she & S3 have been going through a phase of wanting to sleep on the floor in our bedroom, so I could get away.

SBH came in about 10 minutes later - had noticed I was out of bed, and came in to check on me. THat felt VERY GOOD! He suggested I get up and play on the computer until I felt better...

Well, I guess if I'm this down for the past 4 days, I will start feeling better again soon!

I already listed my 3 good things for yesterday on LL's thread. I'll try to come back today and do it. It really does help!

God bless...

SAM