Where do...I...go from here?

[tpaschal]

Eventually MIL got it, and even on one occasion H was calling me she told me not to pick up the phone, to let him squirm, to let him hang.

Perhaps talk to your MIL and explain her that no sense can be talked into him, that he had to decide by himself what was right, and that that may not happen any time soon.

Cat,

See, that's the weird thing. My MIL actually agrees with NC, not answering the phone, not owing him any explanations when he asks nosy questions, etc., but thinks that when we DO have contact because of kid stuff or whatever, I should be tough on him---as in, sarcastic! Maybe she's just worried that I'm being a doormat, but she doesn't see that I'm trying to be firm but act "as if" at the same time.

She doesn't understand acting "as if." I can no longer act as if our marriage is going to be fine, but......

I can act as if I know that God is taking care of me, no matter what the outcome is. As if I am fine and happy. As if my life is going great. I can be firm and not be a doormat while still acting as if I am the bigger person. I can be a kind and gracious person even in the face of his venom. Responding with venom just lets him justify what he's doing because I'm a beyotch. I refuse to let that be the truth.

THAT is what MIL can't understand.

She's not calling him up or anything, (though she does want to write him an email right now), but when she does see him at soccer games and such, she just has to make nasty comments to him.

She thinks it makes him stop and think, but I'm afraid it will just hurt the sitch more in the long run. I mean, if he ever does stop and think about what he's doing, or even think about coming home, her nastiness will not be a point in our favor.

It would just be one more hurdle he would have to face.

Maybe if they go see the Counselor, he will be able to explain it better than me.