I like shoes. They come in all shapes and forms and most have an actually purpose for particular situations. I have running sneakers, weightlifting sneakers, dress shoes, work shoes, and my favorite kick around the house shoes. All these shoes have one important aspect in common, they protect my feet and comfort them to some degree. I don't wear certain shoes because the just don't meet my situation, so therefore my lack of 6" stilletto high heels (MMB-that would be a sight-6"4" tall 250 pound dude in stillettos).
Situations and rules follow the same concepts as shoes. All rules do not apply the same to all situations. It is for the readers of this board to apply the rules and suggestions of DB'ing to their particular situation. It would be short sighted of us to try and apply the situation to the rules because personal dynamics don't work this way. So the true goal should be applying the rules to you and your relationship. I know for a FACT that MMB has applied many of the DB'ing rules to her situation and has disregarded some. That is a choice she needs to make for herself. Now with her making her choices, she has asked for advice but has instead received judgement. There is a huge difference between judgement and advice and one which we should all look at before we post to another persons posts. We are free to post what we want as long as it fits into the moderators accepted criteria, but lets do so with caution and thought (Which FG seems to do excellently).
MMB has had an affair and it works for HER. It might not be set on the right premise or in the perfect time frame per the rules of DB'ing, but it is her choice to make. Maybe better replies to MMB might contain "why's" to the reasons pertaining to not having a relationship outside the marriage while DB'ing. Or maybe a few "This is what happened when I did it". I will not argue with any poster that there will be a price to pay for her actions and MMB knows this. But in her actions she has gained a higher level of happiness and her husband has noticed. Is that not the end goal og all the 180's and GAL. She is moving on and GAL'ing in a manner that works for her at the moment. Is she supposed to sit at home and wait with a smile on her face for her husband to come home. I don't think so. My wife has read some of the posts on this board and her response was "What a bunch of idiots sitting there pretending to be happy waiting for their spouse to return". MMB is not sitting there waiting any longer. If you don't agree with her actions give her CONCRETE substantial answers and experiences that show why her actions might not be the best path instead of just saying the DB book says it is bad and passing judgement.
I have read some of the DB successes on this board and also on three or four other boards and I see a common thread in about 50% of them. The WAS see's the reality of their choices the greatest when the LBS start a relationship with some one else. It is the ultimate LTR. I think this may even apply greater to "good marriages" and MLC'ers because the WAS loses the security foundation of KNOWING that their LBS is sitting at home waiting for them. MMB has decided to move in this direction at a pace that DB'ing might not agree with but is her choice. It was not her choice to be the LBS , but she has gained part of her life back by making a choice. It is our part to help her with advice too see the ramifications of her decision, but not one to pass judgement.
