Totally Lost after 23 years

[addie]

Should I at least say that as long as she is involved with him - we will have a hard time becoming friends or something?

Don't bother. She won't really hear anything you have to say right now about OM and it will come across negatively to her. You can still be friends even with OM in the picture. Try to be supportive, listen to her, validate her feelings even if you don't agree - say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it at that. Smile, talk about non R stuff.

I definitely will not judge you with the snooping. I am guilty of it myself. I have learned from experience - it will not resolve anything and will only end up hurting YOU more (such as this morning). It makes it more difficult to remain on task with DBing as you usually want to react to what's been discovered.