I totally agree with that one! Sign me up for the spell!
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
No one is telling me to have this talk with H. It is an internal struggle I am having with myself. One day I want to give the ultimatum and the next day I don't know if I can. I guess my struggle is because I feel that I NEED to, whether I WANT to or not...otherwise I may never have the courage to if I wait until I am "ready".
Klm,
Man are you sending messages to me??? I could have posted the above. YES THIS IS ME..... The problem that I reilized today is the medication I am taking to quit smoking can alter my judgment..so now I am kind of at the waiting game agian for 7 weeks... I have given my W 369 days to decide.. Yes we have come a long way.. Yes 9 months ago she was an alian... today she is much better... until I make a move to mend then she backs offf agian.... My thoughts today..... I was thinking that W told me that if I contacted the OM "It was OVER" .... Well I was thinking of telling her it seems pretty much over anyway... If I was the OM WIfe and she knew what I know I would want her to tell me about you two.. So unless you want to commit and go to retro. then Yes it is over. The pictures will be in the mail by morning... After I call tonight....
Now I am not going to do this.. (yet)... but it's stuff like this that keeps running through my brain...Then I think of how far I have come and know that doing this will either push her to the breaking point or bring her to her kness... but once I do this there is no turning back.....
Ok Klm we will wait "one more day" LOL
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Yep Husband, I think we are at the same point in this. I would say for you not to make any major life decisions while starting a new medication. Congratulations by the way on quitting smoking. I know that must be especially hard right now. Try to focus on that for the moment.
My H is also much better than he was 9 months ago, but I don't know if it is good enough. Who knows, maybe he will be back to normal one day. I saw him peek out back in November and December...but it seems he has gotten back to his indifference. Who is to say he won't always be like that. I just don't know if I can trust him to be the person I need him to be.
I agree Husband, I think this conversation will be make or break for me too. There is no turning back. Might I suggest when/if you decide to give this ultimatum...you go about it a different way. Even though it is tempting, don't threaten to send the pictures. Tell her what you need (retro, counseling, committment), and what you will do if she doesn't want to agree to these things (leave, file for D). If she agrees to do these things, you want it to be because she doesn't want you to leave...not because she is afraid you are going to send the pictures to OM's W.
Wow, I just realized that tomorrow will be 4 weeks since I have seen H. I was thinking it was 3, but it's 4....which sounds like so much more for some reason.
I guess I will just keep doing what I am doing for the moment. I do want to have this talk with him sometime but I am thinking I will let him see what it is like to be on his own for a couple more weeks.
It'll do him good to be on his own for a while - he will get sick of being lonely, he will learn to appreciate having someone to do things for him, do things with him, talk to him, listen to him, etc, and hopefully learn to do them on his own as well so he is more independent.
But what you are doing now is pretty much like what you were doing before he decided to move to be with you right? It worked then, maybe he just needs another good dose of reality!
TGIF!!!
Good stuff for the weekend?
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yep, it is exactly what I was doing before. Then he called out of the blue. He was the old H...but only for a couple of months.
I remeber at that time I questioned if he really knew what he wanted and he told me yes, that he was just having a crises and he was over it. I asked what if it happens again...he said "I can assure you it won't happen again, I know what I want". Hmmm...3 months later we are doing the same thing. THAT is what worries me, even if he does decide he wants to work on the M again. Will we be in this cycle forever?
Oh and as for the weekend...I'm not sure what I am doing. I will probably hang out with some friends tonight. Really I am just looking forward to a relaxing weekend doing nothing. I am so tired for some reason.
Relaxing is always good. Take it easy, you don't need to get sick again or anything. I am going to try and have a more laid-back Sunday since I am feeling a bit run ragged after the last couple weeks.
As for the cycle - I worry that I will get caught in some of the cycles I have seen on here too - where my H will come to me asking if the door is still open and then sit on the fence; or if he'll come back for a month/two then leave, then come back. That fear cannot stop you from moving forward though.
If you do get caught in a bit of a cycle, that means something has to change! It's just a matter of figuring out what, and if you are willing to do it.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
