OMG, wow, almost could've written your post myself (but not a therapist or ex-therapist). Also had an alcoholic father who screams instead of talks (but of course only when just family are around) and was molested as a child. Also was a WAW.
And just a few weeks ago talked about the problem of being able to say no, or feeling like I have the right to say no, to men. I hate you're going through that too but now I don't feel so weird!
I wish I had some advice but I'm stuck on this one too. Always has been a problem for me. My H always said I was naive. I always tried to be nice, always led me down the wrong road. A guy would hit on me and I'd freeze. Or not tell him to stop because I thought we were friends and didn't want to hurt his feelings. I still feel like most 18 yrs old have more maturity about this than I do at 29. I guess maybe it's a self-esteem thing... growing up with an alcholic father who never taught me about healthy male-female relationships (I didn't grow up with my brothers so he was the only male in the house), then being molested and losing that control over myself and what happened to be during that... guess I never felt I had a right to stick up for myself or to say no, that other's feelings were more important than my own. I'm still working on that.
The only way I've totally avoid that altogether is just to be a hermit (which was H's answer to this - keep me locked up for fear some guy would hit on me or look at me). But we can't avoid men, they make up half the population! We just have to get wiser about this and learn to say no and to heck with them if they get their feelings hurt! After all, we are married so they obviously weren't thinking about us when they hit on us!
Another lesson I learned about all this is that I give off a "vibe", like wearing a target on my forehead that says "hit on me, I might be easy because I have low self esteem and I want to be nice". Guys pick up on that like a radar.
I'm young and not an ogre I guess, but Lord knows I'm not Miss America, and I'm fairly shy around people I don't know so I'm not Miss Personality either. Loser guys just know when a girl is naive about stuff like this. Even nice guys know and sometimes they mess up too. I've lost most of my male friends through my entire life because of this problem. It's enough to want to join a convent.
