Oh gang... You are/were all correct and in so many ways...
An issue she mentioned I forgot to mention.. A biggie I guess.. She and my small town claims I am a momma boy.. Though I went an entire year and 4 months not even talking to not only my neighbor -But my neighbor is my mom and dad.. Soo...
I went up-town with my mom.. Yes went to purchase 2,000 fish to re-stock our lake and I got a hair cut at the barber..
G/F calls my office- my dad said He is up-town with mom- She got pissed -This was 1 hour before our date to go to the GYM.. So she got her feelings hurt.. Then went to the BAR (IMAGINE THAT).I got home called her and called her, left a message on answering machine to meet me at the GYM.. Washed her 2 loads of clothes went to the GYM.. She was of course a no-show.. She claims her fair weathered friends from the BAR- Told her (G/F) That I told everybody -I got her running around on me with (OM).. She went stupid.. Came to my house -stayed the night - calling me names ( mommies boy) etc...Brutal to me with her words.. Got up this morning still continuing name calling and packed up her things - screaming see cant' and will not compete (wtf) with mommies.. I should find another girl - she didn't want and wouldn't be with someone - whom talks crap about her in town and is a mommies boy..
She is moving on.. I should do the same..
I did not deny saying I told a mutual friend -I had caught her with (OM).. But not like he discribed to her..
She said -If she was going to thought of and talked about having a (PA)-Then by GOD -She was just going to call him this morning a screw him -No matter what.. If she was continuing to be said by me -Then at-least she was just going to do it.. She is not coming back this time and move on-We have to many issues together and for me to go find another woman-Preferably like my last one a FAT WOMAN- Since that is what I found before her .. Even her CURRENT (H)(wth)would never dare to bring upon his lips a bad or slander word against her.. She will ruin me and my family and our major event (that is coming in 32 weeks)..
WTH what the heck..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Remember-I had said something about - Talking to her friends Monday night-I also thought our friends-Heck I knew I didn't have any friends..I GUESS
She called my office this morning - Repeating same crap -
I could only say- Misery loves company- Everyone at a BAR is miserable-
All friends at a BAR -Want to do -Is divide and conquer..
If she was said to be sleeping with or having an affair with (OM)- Then by god -She was just going to do it with him.. The only thing I told her - I am sorry to hear that.. She is in control of that..
She claimed and repeated -She came clean on Tuesday - Then when she turned her cell phone back on Tuesday afternoon after work -Looking to meet me at the house after work -But I called her -She had her phone turned off at that time.. So I only waited 10 min -Started a load of her clothes and left..Went on to go GYM by my self-She had all these texts and voice mail messages from all her BAR Friends told her and repeated what I told them (4)people
S
I told her I was achieving a new life out-side the BAR-
She said -Well go ahead and attempt to make her look like to bad person here- With my GYM and good lil' boy things.. She was already to recommit and work on (R) ISSUES TO MOVE PAST AND FORWARD- Now she had too eat crow for things she didn't even do - and much less it all come from me..
She was going to just DATE THEM ALL.. Her (H)-At-least he wasn't a mama boy -Was a real man - With goals for a wife.. The (OM) Well she might as well at-least try him out -Sinse everyone in our small town thinks -She got caught by me -Running around..
I closed with her this way -- YOU WILL DO WHAT YOU WANT ANYWAY... YOU KNOW ABOUT MY FEELINGS FOR YOU... I AM SORRY FOR THE WAY YOU FEEL ABOUT YOUR THREATS OF PA WITH OTHERS..
I am going forward with the GYM and Healthy things for me.. She said she will different times than me- It wasn't what she wanted - Look in the mirror at my mouth..Then ask myself -Why she isn't with me as my G/F or GYM or my house..
SHE WILL BE BACK ON SUNDAY TO PICK UP HER THINGS..
Is it always like this kinda of ROLL-COASTER -??
Damn it I should have just came clean about my mouth Monday ..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
I want you to know I and others support and don't dismiss your pain. I know you love this woman, but let me tell you, their are alot of issues to deal with and sounds like there still might be alot of baggage from previous relationships.
Chill out, take care of yourself, have her things ready to go on Sunday and be quiet don't talk about it in your small town with anyone, and just let things play out. Then re evaluate the sitch in about two weeks. Stay out of the drama as much as you can.
Best of luck.
Married:10 years D final 8/28/08 10 minutes is all it took Life goes on and DB was no small part in growing from the Divorce!
I agree with everything tgf said as well. I think it sounds like your gf has a serious drinking problem, and of course going to bar friends for advice is not helpful for her. I think you should try to get as healthy and strong as you can, and then see what happens. Maybe she will work on her own problems and maybe not, but you have no control over that of course. That's why you have to start focusing on you and you will find yourself becoming stronger and happier!!!
Don't forget to visit other threads here as well, some of us have spouses that have drinking problems as in your sitch and you may find that helpful I think. I hope Sue doesn't mind, but I would recommend her thread for example. She is further along in the process than you are, and you can see how strong & how well she is doing. She is very inspiring for me (as well as many others here). Karen
Thanks -Buddy -I have been following your sitch (hope you don't mind)-As it appears your advise so sound and logical...As for other baggage yes-Indeed..
I have been deeply involved with Mans Guide to Great (R)and (M)BY David Cunningham.. It does appear -She is so much like he desribes in that guide.. Just ol' fashioned mans woman.. In addition to all the excess baggage and drinking..
Karen43,
I also started with your sitch-Reading as much as time is available..The experiences to include advise given I have been watching and learning from as in-fact providing an excellent resource in maintaining my self respect and mental stability..
See, atfer following advise as given from you all wonderful friends.. I went home this afternoon (next door about 5 acres across the farm)and there she is- What she didn't know -
WalMart has a special sale- Discount store SELL FOR LESS?? STEEL BALLS MADE TO FIT!! ONE SIZE FITS ALL.. THERE COMFORTABLE TO ONLY IF USED CORRECTLY..
DOWNSIDE: Like underwear - No refunds or exchanges allowed once used..
SO..........Here is what I declared :
1)I was firm (not condescending)- 2)Told her I and she will maintain self-respect and respect for our-self's and each-other.. 3)She will be at home to go to GYM with me today 4)She will re-pay or locate the gift certificate for dinner for 2 at that very nice restaurant. -That she threw away..As I provide surprises to keep (R)Healthy and exciting for her.. 5)But if I have to call and get permission or advise - Then I do not need a mommy -I want a woman.. 6)I am the Leader of my home 7)I am wonderful man to her - I choose to be.. 8)She will be a wonderful woman -But she will have to choose to be to me.. 9)I am a good provider 10)I am her protector 11)I am a worthy man 12)she is a worthy woman, 13)I have expectations of her - 14)As well as her expectations of me. 15)She is to take and nap and rest up, for this afternoon for the GYM with me... 15)Period..
Her reply :
Come over here and make LOVE TO ME!!!
I said -NO- I am going back to work - To be all that I know I am.. That you expect.. So I can provide. Rest and be ready for the GYM this afternoon with me.. LADY....
She said : Your turning down making Love ?
YES I AM !!! TODAY -and If your not a good girl or good to me-Then Tonight as well. !!!
Damn .. She responded with giggles and a smile...WTH is that?? Comfort and desired?? WTH??
Drinking is the 1st order of business for her to control Then us the (R).. As it is all about me for now......
UNTIL WE ARE A HEALTHY COUPLE ---
Well WHAT IS YALL'S TAKE ON ALL THIS ???
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
Good Morning All, Well What a weekend ?? G/F wanted the spouse of the(OM) and us to go out and G/F thought we could work out any issues -I might have with her and him. SO WE COULD ALL BE FRIENDS..I advised G/F, I didn't have a problem with other (S) She is good with me ?? Nice lady..Its him that I have a problem ..Well after we got together and she and I compared stories..His LIES , LIES and more lies were exposed than I could ever believe..She even admitted he lies when the truth fits better..She knew that..
Uhmm..Interesting.According to my G/F (OM)wife slapped the crap out of him at first sight of him (OM)... Funny -Worth a million a dollars - A real Kodak moment..He had no clue what was said or anything.. G/F got pissed with me -called me a [censored] stirrer.. I suggested we all go get something to eat with-out (OM)-G/F want to ride with (OM) and his wife ride with me.. I said -Hell no.. So I told(OM)-If my G/F gets in his truck - Then return her to HER house..HE HAD BETTER NOT BRING HER TO MY HOUSE.. So I left them all and together to work it out between them all.. (OM) and his wife left. G/F went back in and got somebody else to take her home to her house..
Other(S)wanted me to call her next day.. I told her I was busy .. But would call on Monday instead..Seems my G/F has going nuts all weekend and talking crap to me.. Like -Why don't I just a (R) with (OM) AND SHE WOULD JUST GET WITH HIM..WTH? Since I seem not to believe her or something?? I realize SHE is just trying to figure out what more information I might reveal..
So I been allowing my G/F and (OM)and the other(S)think their is more to story and stew on it from Saturday night..Wonder if the phone has been busy between them??
Next day : Sunday.. Yall,I am having problem with talking to G/F like crap..Its like she pushes my buttons about (OM) and I go just nuts..Is it her withdrawal from him(OM)?? It is like she is pissed with me -For even talking with other spouse? But it is what she wanted?? But when G/F pushed about him (OM)-I went stupid-just cussing and crap ?? Why ??She even now compared me to her 1st(H)- He has passed away now- But she always told me- He was abusive verbally to her.. Told me I wasn't worth all that crap..She got her clothes and left..So I went to her house.. Slept there with her.. Just sleep though.. But she got up this morning and started all over with (OM)and how mean I am with her..She has had it..But it has almost been like we can't leave this alone??
WHY ? WHY? IS THAT?? I have to get a grip with my G/F on this??
Monday: G/F called this morning- Just hung up from phone.. I told her last night(Sunday) - Last year -I bought her a beautiful diamond necklace- She doesn't wear it.. I bought her a matching diamond ring - She no longer wears it.. Last year I placed my Shriner stickers and Masonic stickers on her truck -She took them off since the (OM) came into the picture..
But she says - She wants a man to pamper her and provide for her.. I told her -I provide the little things important to me and sense (OM)came into picture she no longer wears them or has them in public view..So if she doesn't wear it or use it..Why would I do more? But I am to pay for hair and nails and clothes or an out-building at her house-As a act of LOVE?? But If she would only show me some kinda sign -With the little things -The other would come -But when you don't wear this or that or allow your vehicle and you identified with me as a Lady OF A NOBLE with what is important to me?.. Then is it for Love or what you can get out of me for self gain..
G/F also wanted me to finish with other spouse this morning? I again told G/F..There is no more - G/F said (OM)said- His wife is OK - That I am just trying to stir stuff and cause them problems- He also told my G/F another lie-I just wish I could remember what it was.. She again said-She doesn't hardly talk to him any more??
I can only assume it the worry I have placed upon him - Is so strong - What is he trying to hide??? Let it die.. It has been a game - I wish I hadn't said that-I wonder if she called (OM) and told him -What I am doing.. I am certain...
I am going to call other (S) and figure something to say- See what his reaction has been with her?? I don't want to push them my G/F and (OM)together - Or bust up his (M)? But I want what I can't fix...It has to be between them But I want to try and figure something to see if he will tell on his self..My G/F is to smart - He is to young..She has been talking crap about him - He is to short and even how she would have to stoop down just to kiss him ..
Could it be that -I am just having trouble forgiving- I want to believe her.. She claims over and over -She hardly talks to him -But I swear - Having watched her -Her badgering me off and on all weekend about -What I more I might tell (OM) S.. I wish she would come clean 100% with me on this whole issue - She swears she has - But how we really ever know?
PLEASE RESPOND WITH EVERYONES FEEDBACK.. ESP before I continue to ruin my (R) ..
What do I do now?? Let her come and see if she comes back to me? She is the type that doesn't go back when done..
This makes me hate myself..
M:43 G/F:45 R: 1 yr and 8 months
We all want to be loved... With someone who is in Love with You
I'm sorry for your pain, but your girlfriend sounds VERY spoiled and entitled. I think you should cut her loose and let her see what it's like to fend for herself for awhile. She needs a good dose of REALITY.
