Cake eating or progress?

[Trixi]

Heya MM-
I have been watching your thread pretty closely and see a lot of similarities. He says that we lack an emotional connection, that he is taking things day by day, trying to figure things out, etc.

I like the idea of a "no expectations" toast.

My H (finally!) told his parents that he was going to Costa Rica, that he was going with me, and that we have been seeing each other for awhile now. Supposedly, they just said "oh. that's nice." Not sure if I really believe that. I said to H "really? that's ALL they said?" and he said "yeah-pretty much." I have a feeling it was more than that, but he doesn't want to tell me because it will make more bad blood between us. He knows I am hurt by their response to all of this. I haven't heard from them at all- the last time I talked to his mom was in July when I called to see if she was mad at me since she never even called to say she was sorry that we were going thru this. No Christmas contact, no birthday contact, no birthday contact for DD (that my H adopted)...flipping rude! Have I made contact? No. It was clear that I shouldn't bother.

Question: If a Spouse is complaining of a lack of emotional connection, but the DB theory is to "act as if" and not put pressure on the WAS- how do you make those two things fit together?