For the guys with kids and a WAW

[hopeful4her]

I have know about this EA since about October of last year. They met on internet through Myspace. I know that WW had been in contact with several different men on the internet that led to phone calls. Not sure of physical contact. The current EA started out classic. I discover the phone calls on the cell bill, find out she is deleting calls on phone, so on and so on. I confront her and its the "He's just a friend and I don't tell you about him because I know how you feel about me having guy friends." In my mind I know that they talk and probably meet for lunch and such. I try all the classic things you are not supposed to do. I withdraw, I beg, snoop. I figure out her password to her email and access her VM on cell at night and here saved messages of him professing his undying love. I refused to believe that there had been physical contact (intercourse) but then in early March, I find a hotel receipt for a day that she was off. I think about it and convince myself that even though I see the receipt, I don't see it in the timeframe that she had for the day, because I was involved in a lot of the day and she had a beauty appointment for a large part of the day. Small timeframe of a few hours, maybe. I confront her and we discuss and she admits to getting the room, but could not go through with it. She says she had too much self respect. I believe her.
Discussion about R about 4 weeks ago, she brings up that maybe someday we well be back together, but not now. She brings up D and I tell her that she will lose everything. She reacts by calling OM and tells him that she will longer call him, she doesn't want him to call her, she is telling him in front of me and its because she doesn't want to lose her kids. She has been on the sofa since. I know they had been in contact the next day. He called and called and called. I know she called him back after she got off of work. I listen to some saved VM on her phone and he is saying please call me, at least give me closure, you know you won't lose your kids, blah, blah. Last VM is him saying thanks for talking to me, I love you too and maybe we can still have lunch together. That Saturday I find a note that had apparently was left on her car that Friday. "Thanks for letting me see you, you made my day. You are my life and you make me hole (his spelling). I hope you feel the same. Love you , Love you, love you." Since then, I have no longer checked her phone at all and went dim. She has been trying to engage me in conversation and I have been very cordial to her but I do not initiate any conversation. One small discussion, I feel down on myself and tell her she will probably get everything she wants, I will end up moving because she I know she cant give OM up. She says " I have given him up." A close friend talks me out of leaving and refreshes my strength of what I know I need to do. Last Friday, the dimness gets to her and in the morning after kids are gone she mentions the silence. I tell her its not what I want, but oh well. She says " I guess we cant even be friends?". I say,"Not while you are giving yourself to OM, we will not be friends." She says she is going to move out after the school year with the girls and I tell her she is not taking the kids, but she can go. She is not leaving without the kids. I tell her how can we be friends when she is cheating on me. She says "yes, I cheated on you". I say "do you know how that makes me feel, how God feels?". She say she will deal with God and He will deal with her. I say, yes he will deal with you both. She says she will start paperwork, and I tell her I already talked to an attorney. I say "do you see how calm I am?" I lied. It just came out. Done with discussion, I left. I don't know if they still talk or see each other at this moment. I have not checked cell phone in a couple of weeks. I can only assume they do. I have journaled the past few days since then.
I went a "lighter shade of pale" this morning and engaged her in coversation. Light talk about work and such. Kind of uncomfortable but ok. Part of me says to push her and part of me says to leave be for a while and see. Maybe in Gods time. I don't know. My love for her keeps me in a fog, also.