Help me act AS IF, Thread 4

[newnamenewlife]

Why can't we just let them go without feeling so hurt, angry, abandoned, rejected, disposable...?

Because we're human and we love them and have created entire lives (and in my case, children) with them. I wish I could just set H free. I happen to be so financially dependent on him too. I have spent close to half my life with him. I don't understand how it seems so easy for him to detach from me, but I guess he's been secretly working on that for a few years now.

As much as I HATE how he is treating me lately--pretty much as if I am just a necessary evil he has to deal with until he figures out how to leave--I think it will be easier to let him go in the end than if he were being really loving and also wanting to leave. It felt like cold turkey at first--I SOBBED my heart out every day. I feel in a different phase now, not as raw. What I dread the most is telling our kids. I think that's going to be agonizing.

I am reading a book called When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. I'm not usually given to reading this kind of Buddhist-y stuff, but I find it helpful. It's about giving into the chaos rather than fighting it--much easier said than done!

We are going to LA to visit one of my oldest friends and her kids. I am so looking forward to getting away from H (my Ds and I are going since they are on spring vacation.)

Hang in there, cliche as it sounds!