I'm not going anywhere, not yet anyway. I may not be doing things the DB way but...
My H and I are I think better TRUE friends now than we ever have been. He is showing me again that he cares for me and is doing all in his power to rebuild the trust he destroyed. I have to back off and give him the time and space in which to do all this. So being in an affair myself doesn't make it right but we have all done things we know weren't right at some point in our lives. I have always been the good girl that wouldn't lie, cheat, or steal. I am not saying I am throwing my morals and values away now however as others view my actions as wrong for me right now they are right.
I want FG to come back and stay. He must be under some serious stress in his personal life to say goodbye. He never came across to me as a runner...a fighter who would tell you to f*ck off and stop reading if you didn't like the posts yes but never one to throw in the towel. He obviously needs some time and space right now and I hope soon he will return. I only wish we could contact him some how to check on him.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Yesterday was sad that we lost 2 really good advisors - Just_Me and Forrest Gump. I can understand Just_Me finally giving it up - reading as many situations as he has takes a toll. His advice was the best of all. However, I dont think we have seen the last of FG. Dont Run Forrest, Dont Run Forrest.
I agree, I want Forrest back. My sitch is quite bad. His posts, at least on my thread, provided a lot of truth and substance if you tuned in. His style maybe unconventional but he makes us think and underneath he cares. I've been in an endless plateau so I don't think I will start another thread unless I see Forrest back. Would whoever drover him away (or a moderator perhaps) please e-mail him.
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
This is a quick reply and not to any specific person.
First off-the person who said no wonder your husband left was not me. If I believe correctly, it was a MAN. I believe the "women" as you (MMB) quoted have been respectful. Don't confuse the situation.
Everything I have said I stand by and it was said respecfully. If you can't handle respectful opinions, that is not my problem.
What's frustrating is that a person you all so "value" has turned another individuals thread into a "me" thread. Look at ME..... I am leaving. I went back and read through and not a single soul here said for him to "leave". FG is a big boy. Typically, from what I have found from internet boards is that a person who does the "GBCF" post (Good bye cruel forum) never leaves. It's an attention grabber and it's childish. This is a public forum and as I have cotinually stated ANY ONE should be able to post their opinion. Keep the thread on topic if you wanting to help. If you want to help, keep the thread on topic and don't lock it out with drama crap. Start a new GBCF post if you want to leave.
Support comes in all fashion. Just because you don't hear what you want to hear does not mean it's not support. If you want a cheerleading squad, great- I am sure you have a few supporters for that, but if you want help- then you are going to hear things you don't want to hear. I have NOT said you are a bad person. I have said and will stand by that your actions are bad.
To the poster that feels it's disrespectful to stay single for 2 years after divorce/seperation-it's not. Just because you have not heard it personally yourself, does not make it disrespectful. MOST Professional therapist will tell you this. Check out Dr. Laura's site. She is a firm believer in allowing 2 years to heal.
To MMB- I must have missed where you were called a whore. You meantion it in your post. I tried to find specifics on it. I only committed on the safe-sex. If you are having sex with mulitple partners (which you are) I feel it's important to let all parties know openly/honestly that you are. That's not disrespectful to say that NOR does it imply I am calling you a whore.
M: 39 H: 40 D: 12 S: 9 Married: 10 years Together: 11 years Dday- March 14th, 2008 Bomb-I don't love you-Easter 2008
Currently-living in same home, slowly working back towards a marriage.
The big box at the bottom of the page is misleading.
The big box says save your marriage
To which I responded
Quote:
This is very simple, Forest. If you don't believe in DBing, then leave.
This was not an order. But as running pointed out, if you do not believe in something why would you be around. Of course, Forest chose to act like a petualant child and said (and this is my paraphrase), "I am taking my ball and going home." Your reactions were predictable, i.e. don't go Forest. And I have been around here long enough to know when people say I am going, they never do. 99% of the time it is to get people to say, oh please don't go. As I said, when I leave a place, I just leave.
Now, the name of this site is Divorce Busting. There are books, Divorce Busting and Divorce Remedy, that this site supports. Supposedly, you folks came her because you read one or both of the books. The site is here to back up the books. It is a program designed to give you the best chance to save your marriage based on the experience of a trained professional and her practice. Of course there are no guarantees. However, it is DB. And if you are coming here for help and advise, you better be ready to hear the DB answer. And if DBing is not for you, then find a spot which will support you. Seriously, when you have a MAC, you don't go to a Winfdows class to learn the MAC operating system. It is the same here.
Now someone said that this is a public forum and anyone can come here. True to a certain extent. The name on the website is Divorce Bustuing. MWD pays for the servers and she (and her agents) can decide whether or not someone is welcome. And in my days, I have seen a number of people tossed because they knew better. For my money, I will follow MWD.
Now, MMB, what is it you seek from Divorce Busting? If it is validation for your affair, I am sorry, you will not get it here. And yes, many of us will question your judgment. DB does not support affairs as sg said last night and she said why. If you want to get with the program, I know the mods will do everything in their power to help you as will I. It is your choice. If you think your way is better, then find a program or support group that will support your choice.
How about we let the moderators do the moderating (it is their job, after all!)?
If you disagree with MMB, post it! I disagree TOTALLY with EITHER spouse having an affair, no matter who did it first. I think it is wrong, period. MMB knows people here may disagree with her, she is a big girl, she posts anyway. So no one really needs to defend her honor on that one.....
Likewise if some choose to support her actions, that is their opinion. If you have a different one post yours.
I just think it detracts from the value of the board to have so much time spent pointing fingers at each other, quoting "who said what to who and when", etc.
Just give your advice to MMB or whoever else you read. Let other people give theirs. MMB and others on the board can take the advice or not, it is up to them.
It is getting hard to follow this thread and some others b/c they are so frequently interrupted by posters challenging each other's words. How is that helping MMB or anybody else?
I like the support that bizarre gives, however, I have to disagree with her labeling of herself as an "old lady" - 57 is not that old anymore. My W's nearly 68 year old "boyfriend" is indeed an old man! When they first met, he lied and told her he was a youthful 57.
I have a gut feeling that Heather and her H will eventually get back together. It may be long after they are D'd, but I believe that with much time they will find that they were destined for each other.
It is great that Dan and her are good friends now. That is what is best for what is most important - their children.
While many of us have given our views that the affair is a bad idea in order to save the marriage- those that support this affair, explain what "good" could come out of it. How is this affair going to help MMB save her marriage and her family.
I would like to hear those views.
M: 39 H: 40 D: 12 S: 9 Married: 10 years Together: 11 years Dday- March 14th, 2008 Bomb-I don't love you-Easter 2008
Currently-living in same home, slowly working back towards a marriage.
It is great that Dan and her are good friends now. That is what is best for what is most important - their children.
------->I guess I a confused on that part. Was it less than a week ago he was asking for her to meet him in a public place due to her anger? How do you go from being "feared" to being "great friends" in a weeks time. Not being scarcastic, I seriously want to know.
M: 39 H: 40 D: 12 S: 9 Married: 10 years Together: 11 years Dday- March 14th, 2008 Bomb-I don't love you-Easter 2008
Currently-living in same home, slowly working back towards a marriage.
I believe that it will allow both of their guilts to negate each other. My W wanted me to have an A also so as to relieve some of her guilt.
Forrest - if you are still out there, I want to thank you very much for some advice you gave someone else that I took up recently - batting cages. Last night I hit around 200 balls in the "very fast" cage - very addicting! I ended up buying some batting gloves afterwards and am really looking forward to go again.
