Thanks, guys. I think clinging to a boulder is about all I'm going to be able to do for awhile. Had a 2 hour session with my consultant ($150/hour) and my lawyer ($365/hour). Lawyer was about 20 min. late, so that'll save me a little...Had to face AGAIN all that I've done, resist temptation to be mad at the people I went to for help with this, as this would indicate that I am NOT taking full responsibility for the horrible acts I committed...etc. etc. A left-behind-spouse's dream come true. Have to sign papers that will be public record that I committed these unethical acts of "sexual intimacy" with 2 clients, give up my license, pay money we don't have and may never have to be represented in these matters. Yuck. I am feeling VERY ANGRY. SBH called me during this meeting to tell me that the kitchen was a mess and there were ants crawling all over the place and how much longer would I be and what should he do about feeding the kids. When I got home he said he was angry, but now he's not, that was the old SBH, he's not angry anymore. Then he asked me about the first affair and sometimes he sees it as part of the same problem and then other times he sees it as separate and he wanted reassurance that I was sorry for that one, too, etc. etc. I did not and do not have the energy to be all contrite and apologetic and empathetic and nurturing and sorry and humble and remorseful. I am all those things. Can't he tell????? I'm sure all you LBS's will have plenty to say about how it's never enough, etc. Which I will listen to when I have less anger about this whole thing. RIght now I need some time to lick my wounds. Selfish, bad DBing or whatever.
