Going on Four Weeks MLCer Home

[glamgirl]

Steelers I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. You have been the rock for your h and now this.

Your h has a drinking problem and issues. He needs to heal and get help before you can have any kind of R with him. The man he is today is not the man you want or need nor do your children.

Go very dark! HUGS!

[Jeanette1120]

He returned to the OW because he's still messed up inside and is not ready to do the hard work needed to heal your relationship.

Exactly! You did all the hard work. You healed or thought the marriage was healed. Now it's time for him to heal himself in order to heal the marriage, if this is the course it is supposed to take.

It's time to let him go.

He needs to return completely of his own accord, and because he has finally gotten his head clear and straight.

He knows what he has at home. He knows who loves him unconditionally. He knows he has a problem. he knows he can fix it, if he wants to. You cannot fix it for him.

It's his turn.


I hope your feeling ok about this SF. Look at it as a positive step in the right direction.

Thinking of you,

Jeanette

[cw68]

Steelers, I'm very sorry to hear this and sorry for the pain you are going through. Unfortunately with alcoholism, nothing you do can change his situation, it's gotta come from within. Do whatever you have to do to find your strength and know that there are a lot of people here praying for you.

[MidwesternGirl]

I am okay tonight.

I am more at peace, that's for sure. I know God is in control and I do believe that this is just a blip on the screen, that he will not be gone for long. He is very afraid of me and has asked S17 two days in a row if i am mad at him because of the text he sent me yesterday saying he cannot do this, is miserable, etc..

i really did not think he would come home tonight due to the fact that it is our anniversary.

he will have to come here sometime to get some clothes.


tomorrow i am working my regular hours and on friday we have the day off which i am very happy for.

[TRUSTING]

God Bless Steelers and I am sorry your anniversary is like this.

I admire your strength and also feel your h is just going through the journey/tunnel and in time will find his way back.

[ACJ]

SF,
It's interesting he has done this around the time of your anniversary. My H ALWAYS makes sure I get letters from his L either on my birthday, the kids birthdays, christmas etc. He miscalculated earlier on this week by one day so he didn't adversely affect my birthday (although S15 did).

If there are any former WAS out there who are reading this and did just that I for one would be very interested to hear the reasons behind this. (Happy for the answers to be posted on my thread).

[theotherhalf]

I am so sorry SF,

Last I had checked on you, things were seeming to be going so well. I agree with Bworl:

"The drinking, like the OW, is a symptom of the mess that is going on inside of him. He drinks to escape responsibility that he doesn't want to have to deal with. He didn't return to the OW because of his drinking. He returned to the OW because he's still messed up inside and is not ready to do the hard work needed to heal your relationship."

And it is so frustrating and sad that our S don't see this for themselves and want to change it. And even more frustrating that there is nothing we can do to stop it or change it.

Let him go SF (listen to me easier said than done). Take care of you

(((SF)))
Love, TOH

[MidwesternGirl]

thanks for your support, everyone.

a major factor in H going to OW's is that he has nowhere else to go. he cannot afford to get his own place and hers is the only place he can go. i may not approve but i have let him go.

from what my S17 says, h has stopped drinking while he has been there and he and H have been talking very late at night and in the middle of the day.

i have not spoken to h at all and he has not come back here for his personal belongings either.

i am okay.

[naej]

Hi Steelers, sorry the return didn't go well. I think and I really have no idea why! maybe you should DB your son a little.
I find the dynamics a little strange here with him and his father.
Has your son found work yet and is he helping out more. You haven,t mentioned your daughters at all or how they have re acted.
I think your H would have/ could have found the money to go elsewhere if he truly wanted and your approval and letting him go
"i may not approve but i have let him go."
has nothing to do with how your h is thinking.
I guess its time for you to continue as before,maybe GAL activities and I would seriously look at ways that wouldn,t make you so financially dependant on your H.
This may even help in the long / short term and dispel his thinking that he is only a cash machine.
I am glad you are doing okay-this must have been a huge blow to you after the intimacy and talks.
God Bless.

[MidwesternGirl]

naej:

remember, they do this: come back and leave again and many times they have to do this a few times before all is said and done.

S and H have always had a special relationship and that is the only person H has where he can feel he is not threatened because he cannot talk to me because i can become emotional meaning i might cry. h has always been a loner as well. their talks do not consist of very personal details of what h has done. most of it is someone to just talk to, to get h's mind off of things but then again, s has been talking to him about laying off the alcohol.

about my H finding his own place. he makes under 28k per year so there is no way he can do that unless he were to use credit cards. that is totally out of the question.

using my H as a cash machine--i am one who rarely asks him for money and he takes it upon himself to make purchases.

with the way food prices have risen in our area, one of the highest in the country, it is no surprise that many people need at least two jobs to survive. i am serious about this.

my son is in the process of getting a job.

again, this is just another blip on the screen sort of thing and i do not expect h to be gone very long.

my kids saw this coming without my saying a thing but there is nothing they could have done differently.

no, i dont think this is a huge blow to me after our talks and intimacy. i have come to realize it is just part of the process. it does not mean that he does not love me, he does, he is just mixed up in the head due to his drinking.

god is in control.