First thanks Stella for posting here today, I meant to yesterday as well, but I got caught up in my little drama and felt today would be too late (with time difference etc). Good that you did, didn't want to be the only one to continue this.
MMB I've been following you sitch from the beginning. Because I liked the way you post, beacuse our children are of the similar age and beacuse I value FG's posts a lot and I saw him posting on your threads.
I have posted a couple of times here to you, one of them actually being when you told us about the affair. I was NOT one of those judging you about it. I will repeat what I think I told you then. Many of us have the need to be with someone of the opposite sex, some of us don't have the "strength" to get into a new R because we are too "broken", or cowards to create a life without our Spouses. Some of us don't think is right, some of us may even think it is unethical, some just want to wait for the papers. Some stick to "do not do what brings you further appart from your goal". All of us have our principles to live our lives by, and our choices to "bite" us sooner or later.
This is a forum to help people save their M as well as support each other (right girls?). Being mean and sarcastic to a woman that is asking for help is not considered support. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I misunderstood things since English is not my language. But it sure seemed to me that using remarks such as "a glimpse of why he left you..." is not support, it's cruel and nasty and we call it "low blow".
Judging someone and telling him she should not be here (MMB) unless she is ready to give an "oath to the DB principles" the way the rest understand and use them is not very creative.
Telling someone who is obviously under a lot of stress that she shouldn't be here posting unless she wants to save her marriage and that WE KNOW that by having that affair she will not, is not support. Can anyone say he KNOWS what is goingto happen? Advice is always welcome, speaking for myself I like it when people are harsh (in a good sense) and are honest with me about what they think is happening. But being HONEST doesn't mean CRUEL.
All the comments about how she is clearly lacking self respect, she should wait 2 years (!!!!) after PAPERS to have a sexual/emotional affair/R (is this new? my C said max 1 year, she said months count since separation not papers beign signed), do not sound very respectful and helpful to me. That is my oppinion. And we can ALL have an oppinion here, right?
MMB maybe unable to handle loneliness, so what? Maybe she took a lot of crap and she needs somekind of support, maybe she hasn't been as honest to this guy as ALL of YOU would be. SO? Her marriage may end,or maybe saved. We can tell her what we think, we can be honest and assertive and clear, we can leave her alone if she doesn't want to hear what we have to say, but we can and should not add stress and guilt trips to anybody.
Those that are flawless should throw the first stone (free translation by me in english)...
Forrest, don't you dare leave these boards. People that don't like what you have to say should just stop reading your posts. So far MMB seemed to want to listen to you, the same way me, Stella, fb2, Lan, Bbj, and many more want.
MMB, you know when you are wrong. You can listen to all of us and then decide for you.
For the record, bizzare thank you for posting here. You said what I would have said if I could yesterday.
