Thanks GL, I am taking your advice on these matters. In fact I started this tonight. W emailed me today to tell me S10 made all A's on his report card and S7 had all S's on his. I emailed her back and told her of course they did, they have W's brains. She emailed back saying they have your brains, don't fool yourself.
This is good. I like the way you have "lightened" up. Relax. Have fun with her. Banter. Make fun of yourself. Good job. Remember. This is only a par. One shot at a time. Let her keep coming to you. Slow is good.
Originally Posted By: ping1
I always carry sunflower seeds to baseball practice/games, the boys know they come from dad as I am the one that gives them to them. I went and bought them 2 packs each and told them in front of her, myself and your mother thought we would give you two packs each tonight since you both did so good on your report cards. She didn't say anything, just looked at me.
Ok. Pick it up. I'll give you that putt. Remember this very same thing goes for discipline with the children. For the time being, back her ideas and decisions on the children. Trust me. She noticed and banked it. Don't bring it up again. Don't go overboard to let her hear you say those things. Say them when she is NOT around the kids also. Make it a habit. Drive for show, putt for dough....
Originally Posted By: ping1
On another note, S10 was not suppose to have tournament next weekend but coach told us tonight they would probably play. W told me she had made plans with MIL to go to the beach next weekend and she would just have to cancel that. I told her not to worry about them, it's my weekend to have them and I will make sure they get to their tournaments and practices and if I needed another parent to help with one of them, "being if they have tournament and practice at the same time in different places then I would make those arrangements." Told her she needed to go to the beach and have fun with her mother. She stated I doubt we would have fun, I said of course you would, you enjoy being with your mother and you need some time alone. Now this is a complete 180 for me because I was the type of H that didn't like her going away for the weekend without us as a family. When we first started talking about this she was talking like she would cancel but by the end of the conversations, she seems willing to go and told me who I could ask to help out if needed. All in all we had a good night at the ball fields other than sons team didn't show up for their game. I was very upbeat and talkative to all parents, something I normally do not do either, I usually stick to talking to 1 or 2 people and thats it. I feel good about tonight.
BINGO.. THAT is how a MATURE man acts and behaves. "I will handle it honey. Don't worry".. PERFECT.... Great job, great attitude. Just keep doing these types of things. She has needed a helpmate for a long time. Someone to pick up the slack and give her a break from making all the decisions and from feeling all the responsibility. Take advantage of this opportunity. If she is ok with this, then YOU make all the arrangements. THINK about your decisions before you make them. Try to think like she would. If she gives you some unsolicited advice on something, then, stop, and tell her.. "good idea. I should have thought of that"....
Do your own laundry... (thought I forgot, didn't you?) You will start to become much more attractive to her as she slowly sees you taking some charge of your own life and observing how you are now handling the kids. REMEMBER.. Don't bring this stuff up to her. Don't ask her if she notices. Don't talk about the relationship... One shot at a time. She WILL bring up a talk at some point. We have to get you ready for that time. You are not there yet.
Originally Posted By: ping1
On another note, W was suppose to cut my hair tonight, actually I do most of it as I cut my hair with shears and she only touches up the back where I can't get to. Her mother is a beautician "sp" and we have always cut my hair. Well I went last night and someone else do it because I didn't want to bother my W with it and show her that I am needy. I know she noticed but she didn't say a word about it. I need to show her that I am dependant upon myself and not rely on her so much.
You have learned quickly. This type of thing was exactly what I was talking about. If she asks you why you cut your own hair, or why you are doing your own laundry, the nicely tell her something like... " I was doing some thinking Mrs Ping, and it hit me that I wasn't pulling my own weight for a long time in quite a few areas. You have enough on your plate and certainly don't need me giving you more things to do." Then drop it. Don't bring it up again. (Have you noticed that I keep telling you not to bring things up again?) It is very important you don't. Let HER bring it up. If she does.. Then you take the blame on what an idiot you have been, tell her she was right, and drop it and move on and keep acting happy and mature.
Originally Posted By: ping1
I like what you had to say about what to put in a card. Question for you though, do I give her an anniversary card or just a friendly card. I need to pick this up tomorrow and I will leave it on her car tomorrow night in the garage after S7's ballgame, I will make a point to go to her house afte the game, going to get golf balls or something that way I will have a reason to go there and leave this for her. I don't expect anything from her as I didn't get anything from Valentines. Thanks again for your input. I really appreciate it.
Risk versus reward shot here...... Pressure of any kind almost always backfires. So we know that you can't pressure her in any way with a card if it is mushy or if she thinks you are getting false hope. However...... It can still be done without pressure if you do it correctly. Your idea of just leaving the card so that she can read it without you around is perfect. Great idea. That should take care of any pressure. This is where you can show your maturity again by the card you pick out. She is NOT ready for a you trying to drive a par 4 yet. (romance) She will slowly let you know if and when she is ready. You have to let her come to that totally on her own. No pressure.
Get her a card that is nice and has just a few words on it that basically says Happy Anniversary. Short and sweet. The IMPORTANT thing is the wording that I advised you to write in the card. That is what will keep the pressure off. As long as you leave the card and not give it to her personally, and as long as you don't bring it up again to her or ask her if she read it or whatever... Then it shouldn't hurt you. It will come across as the "silent strong type" in her emotions if done correctly....
You ARE on the correct path now. Remember. I still have not ruled out another man. Don't bury your head in the sand here. Keep observant. Stay steady with your emotions around her.
Grip, stance, alignment...
EXCELLENT job... You have made the cut. We still have a lot of golf to play...
Ping, You're a lucky man. GL is giving you great advice.
Stay with the program and don't take a step back. I'm praying for you brother.
