How do they walk away?

[theotherhalf]

Treese,
took me awhile but I found you, haven't heard from you so was wondering how you were doing? I pray that you are doing okay.

I really understand about your kids. This is so hard for us but I cannot really imagine what my D16 and N14 really feel about Dad/Uncle just one day walking out on them.

N14 seems to be doing okay. She's a kid that pretty much just rolls with the punches. She has been through so much in her life and I really hate that she is now going through this. H made the major decision to addopt her and it is so wrong for him to just change his mind and leave her. But I said to her the other day that I am sorry to them both that their lives ended up this way. That I hate it that they don't have a "normal" home life. She just said to me "well it's better than it would have been if I had stayed with my mom or a foster home". This is the first time she has ever said anything like that. So it made me feel good.

D16 now is not doing so well. She has always absolutely adored her father. They are so much alike so they often have bumped heads. The year before he left was kind of rocky between the 3 of us because H wasn't taking here growing up so well. He wanted to continue to keep her 12 years old and I wanted to enjoy her growing into the responsible young woman she is. He was holding pretty tight reins, I was wanting to trust her and let her make her own decisions. She is such a great kid and I have always said until she breaks my trust in her I will let her fly. So far she is soaring. But having a hard time. This winter she had a pretty rough go at school. She was falling apart and the kids sensed it and preyed on it. She broke up with boyfriend of 1 1/2 years (to young anyway). That in itself caused her terrible pain. He was very cruel to her and caused her alot of greif. Then another boy came along and with that more drama and pain. She has been trying to work 2 jobs, go to school, coach little kids volleyball, and deal with dad not being here for her. TOO TOO much. Now her grades have really fallen. So mom has laid down the law. I've been pushing for her to go see school C. I've said 1 job only till school is out. And leave the boyfriend OUT till he figures out what he wants and you are okay with you. As far as her dad I listen, I understand, but I encourage her to spend as much time with him that he wants/she wants. I tell her all the time "I understand but you know that he is still your father and he does love you". Her answer is always "yea and just what does he do to show it". I can't argue, I just say " I understand but I know that he does".

It's tough enough on our selves. If only we could protect them. Just know that this mess we are in is NOT OUR fault. We didn't make the choice to cause so much pain in our families. We didn't make the choice to walk away. Be there for them. Love them. Listen to them. And with God's help we will all be okay.

Take Care Treese,
Love,
TOH