Hello Mr. MLC part quatro...

[Runswithscissors]

Oh my stars.

Drama......... Good bye cruel forum.


I am sure you have handed many a hand and by all means you certainly have the right to post what you wish on an public internet board. The same right as the rest of every one here.
it's not people's problem that you can't focus or concentrate when other people post or "crowd" MMB with questions and imput. It's not other people's problem that MMB can't focus/concentrate.

Advice is like this... weed out what you don't think will work.... take in what you think will. It's really a simple concept.

[BobbiJo]

IMP

I know this isn't your thread, but wanted to respond:

There is not a lot to gain by taunting someone after you tell them to get off the boards. If you want the subject dropped, don't post to FG anymore, either. Maybe you are both alike in that you both want to have the last word?

Perhaps I did not state that correctly, I just meant when an intimate relationship has played a big part in your life and it ends, you look to replace it, it leaves a big hole. Handle adversity on your own? I think we all need others to help us through things. Some turn to friends, some turn to affairs. Some turn to cyberspace, but whatever gives you support you need. i have never had an affair and I have been married for 35 years. Yes, I thought about it and considered it , but couldn't. But somehow, I don't think that is the issue here. I think MMB and her H are two people who married young and both felt they had missed something. They both sound smart enough to maybe recognize this and find their way back for the sake of their kids and themselves

[inmyplace]

BobbyJo,

Firstly, I didn't tell him to get off the board. Secondly, I had something to say to him which he may understand at a later date. It is my modus operandi. Believe me, if I was taunting, I would not have been reserved in my words. And you will see in my postings that I do not always have to have the last word.

IMP

[Runswithscissors]

Maybe it's just my opinion, but if you don't believe in DBing, then maybe this isn't the right forum for you. Applying principles that don't belong or remotely involve the premise of the book/foundation of the site- well- find a spot that will fit.

I don't think IMP's position is that he should leave. He clearly said that if FG doesn't believe in DBing, maybe he shouldn't be posting. It's not a "I don't think you should leave".... I think it's if you don't believe in the principles/foundation of DB'ing than why are you here sort of thing. As least that is how I took it. AND I agree. If you aren't here to repair your marriage- than why be here.

I am hoping my marriage will continue down the path it is, however if it doesn't... I know that the book has given me personally a foundation to help my sanity if Husband does change his mind. I don't recall having an affair being part of the foundation nor being part of DBing... it addresses it, but it's for those that had a spouse commit adultery on them.

[inmyplace]

bizarre,

I also said it wrong, i.e. handle on your own. Yes, we do seek others, but there is a huge difference between friendship and a sexual relationship. No one can ever question my seeking out my SIL, my uncle, and an old school friend who had been through similar things. And I had no sexual relationship until divorce papers were in hand. At least when I started mine, I was up front with the woman.

As for saving the marriage, that is the choice to make. If MMB wants to save her marriage, then stop running around with this guy and get to it. And if she is going to continue the sexual relationship, then she needs to be honest with the object of her carnal desires.

IMP

[stella_k]

Dear mmb,

I hope you don't mind a stranger jumping into a raging battle .

Yesterday I wanted to post on your thread but it was late and I was tired, so I've decided to postpone it. And today when I looked up your thread I found great post from Bizarre summing up everything I wanted to say. What is left for me is to give you a (((hug))) and assure you that you don't have to apologize and/or show remorse or repentance in order to be listened to. You don't have to explain what happened . We all know a thing or two about rejection, loneliness and abandonment. And survival. I'm glad you survived!
And I appreciate your honesty. You have learned that A is not what you want. Now try to put it behind you and move on, you have a M to save and a man you love to win back.

Bizarre, I agree with every word you say and I hope you will let me visit you on your thread.

Forrest Gump, are you leaving the Forum because you were told to do so?! If that's the case (it's a public forum, remember?) everyone can have a say in the matter. Here goes: PLEASE DON'T GO. I for one enjoy your posts, read everything you have written and I see a great insight there. You have friends on this Forum, you can not just walk out on them!

[Kalni]

Hi MMb,

First thanks Stella for posting here today, I meant to yesterday as well, but I got caught up in my little drama and felt today would be too late (with time difference etc). Good that you did, didn't want to be the only one to continue this.

MMB I've been following you sitch from the beginning. Because I liked the way you post, beacuse our children are of the similar age and beacuse I value FG's posts a lot and I saw him posting on your threads.

I have posted a couple of times here to you, one of them actually being when you told us about the affair. I was NOT one of those judging you about it. I will repeat what I think I told you then. Many of us have the need to be with someone of the opposite sex, some of us don't have the "strength" to get into a new R because we are too "broken", or cowards to create a life without our Spouses. Some of us don't think is right, some of us may even think it is unethical, some just want to wait for the papers. Some stick to "do not do what brings you further appart from your goal".
All of us have our principles to live our lives by, and our choices to "bite" us sooner or later.

This is a forum to help people save their M as well as support each other (right girls?). Being mean and sarcastic to a woman that is asking for help is not considered support. Maybe I am wrong. Maybe I misunderstood things since English is not my language. But it sure seemed to me that using remarks such as "a glimpse of why he left you..." is not support, it's cruel and nasty and we call it "low blow".

Judging someone and telling him she should not be here (MMB) unless she is ready to give an "oath to the DB principles" the way the rest understand and use them is not very creative.

Telling someone who is obviously under a lot of stress that she shouldn't be here posting unless she wants to save her marriage and that WE KNOW that by having that affair she will not, is not support. Can anyone say he KNOWS what is goingto happen? Advice is always welcome, speaking for myself I like it when people are harsh (in a good sense) and are honest with me about what they think is happening. But being HONEST doesn't mean CRUEL.

All the comments about how she is clearly lacking self respect, she should wait 2 years (!!!!) after PAPERS to have a sexual/emotional affair/R (is this new? my C said max 1 year, she said months count since separation not papers beign signed), do not sound very respectful and helpful to me.
That is my oppinion. And we can ALL have an oppinion here, right?

MMB maybe unable to handle loneliness, so what? Maybe she took a lot of crap and she needs somekind of support, maybe she hasn't been as honest to this guy as ALL of YOU would be. SO? Her marriage may end,or maybe saved. We can tell her what we think, we can be honest and assertive and clear, we can leave her alone if she doesn't want to hear what we have to say, but we can and should not add stress and guilt trips to anybody.

Those that are flawless should throw the first stone (free translation by me in english)...

Forrest, don't you dare leave these boards. People that don't like what you have to say should just stop reading your posts. So far MMB seemed to want to listen to you, the same way me, Stella, fb2, Lan, Bbj, and many more want.

MMB, you know when you are wrong. You can listen to all of us and then decide for you.

For the record, bizzare thank you for posting here. You said what I would have said if I could yesterday.

K

Sorry for typos and grammar.

[mymonkeybug]

WOW, I went to bed and woke up to a small scale civil war...lol.

Forrest...you better not go damnit. I want and need you here. Take time out if need be since you have some personal drama as previously stated. But do not be gone for long.

Everyone else...well, like I said opinions are appreciated. But do not for a minute think because I am involved in an affair myself that I don't want my marriage back. I simply will not sit at home lonely until H decides what he wants. I also will not pine away for him. He has changed drastically as a person and until I see more of who he used to be, I mean the nice man...the honest and truthful man...I will not for one second assume I will take him back.

My A knows now exactly why I am with him, my loneliness was a huge deciding factor in that. My desire for a sexual relationship also was. I am no whore but I am a very sexual 35 year old woman whose H left physically 4 months ago but who now realizes he left emotionally 10 months ago or more when he was living his double life.

I did allow myself to give in to my H a couple weeks ago with the sex...but not since...and trust me he has tried and still tries. And no I do not believe his GF or my BF would approve and would both walk away. However he claims the GF knows he cheated on me for 5 months and is OK with that so go figure.

All I ask right now from everyone here is to please stop with the petty back and forth bickering in my thread. I want anyone reading my story to learn something, not be disgusted by the childish stuff and leave without reading on more.

Really guys and girls lets do this properly please?!?!? Oh and for the record ladies...maybe this is why we can't keep men...look at how we behave sometimes.

[Lanzo]

I was quite upset this morning when I read FG's goodbye message on my thread in piecing, I wasn't going to post here cos it would have ended up being a long rant at those who I have perceived to have driven FG away. I saw what Kalni wrote and that prompted me to post in a more calm manner.

I want to say that I would not have made it to piecing if it wasn't for FG's unconventional style to make me stop, listen and stop asking "why me". His methods are not for everyone but it worked for me. It also works for those FG chooses to help, but only if they are prepared to listen. I listetened and it worked. MMB was listening, maybe it was working, I for one was prepared to step back and let them have a go to see if they could come up with the answer. You see they had built up a rapport and maybe both of their unconventional styles would have worked in this case. Well we may never know.

If I can go back to FG's mis interpreted quote

I don't believe DB'ing can work.

It will never work... Until people want to listen.

FG believes DB works when people listen, that's how I read it, that's how I successfully interpreted his advice.

FG : please come back some of us still need your help.

MMB : Things are tough for you at the moment but please continue to post if you feel able to.