much appreciated GFI - Sorry long post now, lost of head stuff going on.
I feel a little better this morning on not a great deal of sleep. Had a lot of thinking time last night and come to the conclusion a lot of my stuff is suspision and paranoia and if it's just e-mails or texts at the moment I don't actually know what the context of them is.
I have done some huge life changing 180s and am super positive all the time, with the occasinoal small lapse if my W has a go. I don't mean I snap, but will explain a situation which is usually around how I handle my boys. everyone else thinks i'm a great dad, yet my W doesn't seem to trust my capabilities with them. She does if I get them off her hands, but if she is there, it's a nightmare, gotta do it how she wants.
Yes, I want to be in this for the long haul, but I'm no longer sure how I would cope if W did have an affair. I had dealt with the initial thing and moved one, but was under the impression it had completely stopped and was a mistake. What a 10 years younger man with a GF wants except for the obvious with a married woman with 2 kids is beyond me and my W just doesn't seem to see that. Is this and the wanting to go out all the time standard MLC ?
Can anyone tell me the success rate of DB & DR BTW ? (sorry if it's here somewhere)
Still feel bad today, but probably not see to much of W til Sunday no so bit easier to calm myself down.
Oh - Also, why is snooping actually so bad ? yes you might find out things you might not want to but at least your paranoia goes ?
I am trying to take it a day at a time but it's horrible thinking that W may me speaking, laughing and joking with friends and OM about us. All this being positive by me, is it a relief to her ? not making her think I don't care and therefore easier to continue with OM ? I don't think it's right either way whilst were still living together to carry on like this.
Probably all silly questions as I think I know the answers, but confused and hurting ATM.
Got holidays coming up soon too, so plan to keep quiet at least until that is passed to see how that goes and that's if W hasn't said something before then and thinks I'm not going.
I do keep thinking to myself, maybe I should just leave as most people think she wouldn't cope. I think her stubborness would kick in and she would be more determined. It's not really what I want to do anyway as I want to be with my kids, but I can't control my thoughts at all ATM.
I believe everything happens for a reason, i'm just trying to figure out the reason behind this.
