What a week.. I'm still sick, and I got an email then call earlier today from Mom that grandma is pretty much dying. Not just "we think it's a few weeks/months/days" but "we can't keep her temperature up and her heart is slowing down and organs are failing - come see her now if you want to see her again before she dies." She went from coherent and "Go visit her as soon as your cold's gone" to "you have an hour"...
Ugh.
I helped Mom make the decision to take her off one of the machines - I forget what it's called but it fills her lungs w/air. I didn't go to see her (Mom said I should remember her as she was not how she is now and she was too incoherent to know I was there). Every time the machine filled her lungs I guess grandma cried and tried to rip it off her face and was miserable. Heart breaking. We both knew grandma wouldn't want it but it was the thing keeping her alive. Taking it off was the right choice and I have no doubts but it was tough to tell them "turn it off" - I hope I helped my Mom be more OK with that choice.
What's weird is we and the docs guessed she might live 20-30 minutes after and it's been hours with no word so she may still be fighting... don't know. Guess that's the "good" about being there.
Backtracking a bit (sorry kinda all over the place tonight) - we couldn't reach my bro and were trying to talk to him before the lung machine decision in case he wanted to keep her alive so he could see her again. Once Mom saw her and I talked to my bro - it was clearly 1. torture for grandma and 2. only her body - her mind died earlier today as she didn't even recognize my mom, her own daughter, today - so she was gone. Bro thanked me for making the right choice.. said he would have felt far worse knowing we made grandma suffer while waiting for his call.
It's just so sad as the docs earlier this week said she'd be better, in a nursing home for a bit but they were very optimistic. She went downhill really fast. I feel tremendously guilty as I would have gone to see her in a heartbeat and wore whatever masks I had to if I knew it was so serious - instead I was waiting til grandma was stronger and in a nursing home and my cold/flu/ick wasn't so contagious.
It's strange to think of a 90 year old dying "suddenly" but she really did. (or.. we think she did, haven't heard for sure, but I will be shocked if not). It may be the "best" of a sad scenario. She lived on her own - cooked her meals, did her own laundry, took care of herself, up until about 2 weeks ago. Still sad, though.
sorry kind a downer tonight.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
