it is a good sign, i think that i can now work past it. i have to admit that it is the hardest thing that i had to face in my life.
When my W and i first got married we were both young (23). my first D was basicly a honeymoon baby. i think that we really didn't haver alone time as a couple. we seemed to always had a child around us.
i had really no experiance as a father. i think my way to cope was to check out into the poronagraphy. it weas wrong and i know that.
the other day i wanted to meet my W and she gave me a few excuses then the ugly thoughts came to my mind. like well you went knowingly to meet up with another man to have sex but you cant take the time for your husband and give him excuses. why for this stranger and not for someone you are suposto love. i know that if i were to have said these things that would have been a slap in the face. i didn't want to do that so i had to do my breathing runs.
i hope that i can get past i soon. ugh again this sucks
