You cannot "not" set a boundary b/c you are apprehensive about the other person's reaction. It is natural for the other person to not be happy when they are the one giving up something. That is true even if the other person is not W.
You are right that I should be able to set boundaries without it being stressful, but I really just don't want to deal with her at all. Most of the time it is worth it to just give her some cash so she goes away. Really, this was the problem with our R from nearly the beginning. I essentially let her control me from the onset and was unable to set boundaries.
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Right now your kids probably already know that all is not well between you and W - do you think that they are waiting for you to get a D?
They know that mom and dad don't sleep in the same room or do anything together. They are boys, so they don't ask a lot of questions, we have never really fought, and the few heated discussions that we had did not occur where they could see or hear (I made sure of this.) Therefore, it has very little negative impact on them.
This is one reason I am hesitant to try to control the sitch at all, just live my life and assume that she will eventually wake up enough to be able to build an independent life for herself. Things could be MUCH worse for the kids and for me, if W decided that HER goal was to somehow punish me via the kids. I think that this may be her backup plan if I try to push her for a D.
Like I said, I am happier when I just completely ignore her and live my life for me and my kids.
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
