I don't know what i want from him. That's the problem. With the exception of wanting him to treat our girls with love and kindness, i don't know what i want. I just know i don't want to feel like this anymore and I don't know how to fix it. I know that i don't want to hurt and sit here an cry at my desk at work because i feel lost. How do i tell him what i want, when i don't even know.
Oh Ann........that breaks my heart and it sounds so familiar. As a mother, I think I can identify with your concerns about his role as a father. Right now, he isn't being a father or a husband b/c he is so addicted to those video games. That is the biggest problem I see right now and until he sees it and stops what he is doing......the problem is not going to get much better. It would be the same if he was addicted to gambling. He doesn't want you, the girls or anyone or anything to interfere with his time on the computer games. It is an addiction!! I personally think he needs help.
Now, the way he shows disrespect towards you in public is unacceptable and I would let him know that in no uncertain terms. It is a by-product of his feelings of the MR and he is taking advantage of your "helplessness" in a public surrounding. Don't "allow" him to treat you this way!
I can understand where you are coming from when you said he wanted 100% assurance that you would give your all to the M and if not then he wanted a D. Whereas we (as women) see it that he should be the one trying to put 100% into the R since you told him that ILYBINILWY speech. Why would he not try to change in order for you to fall in love with him again.....right? In the meantime, he is selfish and goes and buries his head in a computer game and forgets his problems.....to the point of mistreating the children. That is what really ticks me off....what he is doing to those little girls. I can't agree with some other advice about you can't help what or how he treats the girls but that you just need to work on your R with him! It is probably true that if the two of you had a better R then hopefully he would take up more time with the kids, but how do you know that at this point? It sounds to me that he is too involved in these games. You have to think of what psychological effects it is having on the girls. If they are crying for his attention.....that is a really bad sign.
Is there a Pastor or a counselor.....somebody that can help you? Would he even consider seeing somebody? I don't know why I asked that question when I already know the answer!
(((Ann))), I wish I could help sweetie, but I'm here to listen anytime. I am so worried about all of you. I am probably going against all of the DB rules here, but if he continues in his path that he is on now, if there is somewhere you and the girls could go (like to your parents?) for a couple of weeks or more.....maybe it would wake him up. I don't know, but something needs to shock him enough to get his head out of those games long enough to see what he is doing to his family! I just don't think all the responsibility should be on the shoulders of the W to make everything in the M work! I've been down that path before. Men have to step-up and take their share of the work in the M.
Take care sweetie.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
