I have some things I am working on (Depression, Codependency) in hopes to be "me" again. So I do feel responsible to a degree for her doing this. She was not getting what she needed from me...sex intimacy, closeness, so she has found it elsewhere. As for the outcome, I want to feel whole again, full of life, and confident in everything I do. Which hopefully will result in my wife staying and working on "us".
I was feeling just like you also. I also had problems with depression and codependency. Of course, my H having an EA or PA probably wasn't helping matters. I have eliminated my depression and become fairly independent, and "fixed" everything my H said was wrong with me plus I also have more self confidence, lost 40 pounds and gotten in great shape, etc. But my H is still having an affair and talking divorce though. It's not about you; it's about your W. Many spouses would not have an affair b/c their spouse was depressed or codependent; I know I wouldn't and most or all of the people that post at this site!!!
I do think it's good you want to work on your depression and codependency. I have also done that, and feel so much stronger, healthier, and happier and ready for a healthy relationship whether it is with my H or someone else (if he decides to proceed with divorce). But you shouldn't blame yourself for actions that your W took that were clearly not appropriate for a married person!
My advice would be to quit the stalking b/c that is probably going to hurt you more than anything & it sounds like you are pretty aware of what is going on now anyway. You should focus on yourself, work on your issues that you feel would make you happier such as the depression and codependency. Try to get involved in activities that you can enjoy & take your mind & focus off of your W. Keep posting here of course whenever you have a question, journaling, or whatever! The people here are great and give wonderful advice! I couldn't have made it through this last year without them!!! Karen
