"Saru mo ki kara ochiru."

[fig]

FIB

who said it was her bed???

Just asking

because if the sofa was killingme I would make a stand (I just got a tempurpedic bed...the luxory is almost painful!!!)

Congrats to your son
and
how sweet of you to snuggle him up like that

what an amazing dad!!!!

[Nutty Chick]

.

One of my friends, totally ground-based, talked with me on the phone the other day and I totally agree with his input. His 'theory' is that they still love us but in a different frame/level...that they then go out seek to fill their emotional gaps/holes. They aren't ready for D nor wish to have it at that moment....thinking that they can keep their finacial/domestic support going while they dip their toe in the water elsewhere. When they get caught and, in my case, file, this completely undoes the plan...their status quo....and they then get ANGRY WITH US for upsetting the boat. They probably never really thought we would go thru with D and when it happens, WE become the target...the cause for all of this.
FIB

,
Funnily enough ... My H received paperwork for the divorce on Saturday ... Today he phoned and asked if we should leave the divorce till son 11 reaches maturity Okaaaay, what would that achieve??? No, he didn’t say I want to work on the marriage, I love you; Just… can we delay the divorce till I am absolutely certain that I have another comfort blanket. (or words to that effect)

Your friend is spot on.

But it is interesting in a warped kind of way the changes that initiating a divorce stir up.

NC

[faithisbelieving]

Indeed Nutty...in fact, I saw more 'babysteps' and more fear of losing me after filing than at any point. Sadly, tho', as you have mentioned, there was NO EFFORT at trying to heal...NO EFFORT to stop the D....NO EFFORT at communication or discussing any of our issues. She simply 'spooned' me at night to, in her exact words "alleviate the pain on some level."

Well, love isn't supposed to hurt this badly...as mentioned above.

Recall what my L said Nutty...that when women fall in love with OM, they pull the trigger and D their H's. When men fall in love with OW, they keep the W around.

Although many would read that comment by your H as a 'babystep', staying married means 2 and only 2...commitment...trust...etc. Anything short of that, well.........

FIB

[Nutty Chick]

She simply 'spooned' me at night to, in her exact words "alleviate the pain on some level."

Did that have the same effect on you.. or did it make it more difficult?

NC

[frank_D]

Apparently tonight FIB had arranged for a cleaning lady to come and give him an estimate on cleaning the house. He had told his W who said that if any cleaning lady showed up she would call the immigration service, the police, whatever.

The lady showed up and his W refused to let her in the house. After he tried to reason with her she called the police and said he was 'intimidating her with his size and he shoved her'. FIB was calm and the police saw that she had no marks or bruises and left. However, she told them a story of being 'afraid' of him.

Also, when the police came he was playing catch with his son. Because of their initial belief there was domestic violence they arrived in 3 cruisers. So, the kids and the neighbors were witnesses to this event.

FIB was calm. But he's a bit shaken up, believing she'll try to get him kicked out of his house. I would find that difficult for her to do, and his lawyer is the best so anything his W might do will backfire in her face.

She has crossed the line into insanity.

[Nutty Chick]

Oh no that is awful. His poor son must have been terrified.

It is frightening not knowing what to expect one day from the next. How do these people we marry change into someone so unrecognisable. The main difficulty I faced in the early days was feeling such a fool for not ‘seeing’ what my H was really like. I felt I couldn’t trust my own judgement on people. But on reflection and with research I understood that brain chemistry can change, and so the person changes. What you end up with is not always what you started with.


I am gutted for FIB; he doesn’t need or deserve this.

NC.

[fig]

Poor FIB

she is a lunatic

hopefully the police will see that she filed a false complaint and FIB can use that to his advantage

[TiredHeart]

FIB,
I hope that these recent events give you some more clarity thashould be proceeding with your divorce. I know first hand that reconciliation is hard (and sometimes not even acheivable) when both people are actually committed - but when one is behaving like your wife, all you can do now is save yourself and your children.

From following your sitch, I can tell you are a fine man, and that any woman would be truly blessed to have you in her life. You deserve to be loved in return. Please do not let this woman make false accusations and try to take away an ounce of your dignity.

I'm sorry to sound so angry, my heart hurts reading the way you are treated. You deserve so much better.

(((((Hugs to you))))))
TH

[kml]

She is getting some coaching somewhere.
FIB, be very very careful. More than one guy here has been the victim of fabricated charges of abuse and restraining orders.

ASk your attorney for advice. And weird as it sounds, consider one of those "nanny cams" so you have some proof that you didn't touch her if something like this happens again. (Check the laws in your state first. though - illegal in some)>

Ellie

[me4faith]

Hi...I've spoken with FIB. His wife filed a false police report and the next day filed for an order of protection. At the intake, she requested that he be escorted by police out of the house and that his STBXW get temporary custody. Horrible false accusations were made against him...He won a small victory...the judge awarded the OP but not that horrible request.

FIB responded with a counterclaim and was immediately awarded an OP against HER. There will be a hearing.

Believing is faith.
F4M