You are not a pathetic nobody. Regardless of what he tells you, his actions are about himself, not about you. Nobody pushes anyone to do anything, we all have free will.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
well, h is out tonight on his "designated" 2 nights out with ow. I'm not as crazed about it as I was last week, but it still sucks. I'm trying to GAL, even thinking seroiusly about going back to school.
It's so true what they say about our spouses becoming aliens (esp. with affair going on). We have our first counseling session tomorrow and the focus will be on how to co-parent our daughter through this. I will NOT discuss "getting back together" or that I want him back or anything. I know that will just push him away.
And to be honest, with the way he has been the past 2 months, I am really beginning to doubt him as a person and really wonder if I could ever get past the pain he has caused everyone around him (me and d5 included). He is like someone I don't know right now. Completely selfish.
I am working on "my side of the street" and have been taking many actions to bring money into the house and take care of myself. Had therapy today which really helped. I"m getting back into al-anon (mom is qualifiyer).
The thing is, I am now in the "lonely stage". Will anyone ever love me again? Will anyone ever say those words to me again? It's such a lonely feeling. and I am doing the "stop" sign technique in terms of ow, but on nights like tonight it's hard.
I NEVER thought in a million years he would do this. He was such a family man and came from a family that never divorces, etc. I just can't believe his behavior. I almost feel like I'm living with an alcoholic (which he isn't), but it's the "crazy making". I know I need to detatch.
IN terms of the pregnancy, I don't think I am. I took another test and it came up neg. I am still going to doc next week to confirm, but I'm sure h will be VERY relieved (not to mention ow). And I find it incredible that when there was a moment when we thought I could be, he was like, "well then we will work things out". What about the daughter he has now who cries every day he is gone???
h and I had counseing today (to discuss issues with Isabella). Went VERY bad. counselor was horrible and didn't even act like his ow was a "big deal" or what he did is a "big deal", including not coming home the day she was very sick (duaghter). H says (of course) he doesn't want to continue counseling, but I will continue (with my own therapist).
I hate his guts right now. He's just got everything "sewn up" in his head and that's it. No big dealthat our daughter has been crying every day at school and the nights he doesn't come home. When this was brought up, he didin't even look guilty or sad. I is truly an alien. ' I'm at a loss right now and really need advise. He says he's going to move out (that wasn't our agreement, we agreed to 3 months of therapy before that happened). I'm scared for him to move out financially even though my lawyer assured me that he will still have to pay the mortgage, etc.
This is a "fault" state and he said he's going to file. He doesn't have anything to sue me for, I'd have to file (just got off phone with attorney).
Mary - sorry I haven't been able to check in lately. First I had no internet, then I've been really sick, and now my grandma passed away this morning.. so a lot going on.
I'm sorry that you're going through all of this.
When you bump your thread maybe you can post more detail about what it is you're looking for? I read through your post a few times and I don't really see what you're looking for in terms of a reply or advice.
I saw on another thread that Just_Me has chosen not to post anymore so I don't think you will hear from him (I think it's "him" not "her") again, but you could probably re-read his last few posts for advice/inspiration as well.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
after h and I had a horrible counseling session, he decided that he is moving out next week. He will have daughter on weekends.
I don't even know how I feel right now. In a way it's a relief because I felt like I was tip-toeing around him everyday, esp. after affair, when I knew he was on phone with her, etc. It has been very, very hard!
And on the positives -- I get my weekends free! (just trying to be positive here). He will be here this weekend but is moving out on Monday. In a way since he has been spending nights out already, I've gotten used to him being gone in a sense.
anyway, I'm at the point where I don't know if I should continue to hope for my marriage. He seems very set in his mind that this is what he wants. And I want to be happy and feel "normal" again. this has been torture, esp when I found out about affair and he started spending nights out.
any insights as to how to get through this will be appreciated.
