You are right, i'm throwing myself a pity party... it's not a fun party, but I can't seem to leave. M shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't feel so very empty and hollow inside. I should feel loved. Of course i posted all that because i needed someone to tell me what to do. I know that's not the right attitude for someone trying to fix their m, but that's where i'm at... There's a whole lotta "i don't even care anymore" radiating from me right now. I will talk to him about what he sees as part of a Good Marriage... I know i need to talk to him and I will tonight.
last night, i was talking to my little sister while he played. My H got her H into this game, so now they are both playing online. I called her to ask her if she was having as much fun as i was. We laughed a little and hung up. Later H asked what that was all about. I told him exactly what was said and he said "well, you always used to like watching me play. It never used to be a big deal" He's right. It never used to be an issue. So i really thought about that and I realized it's not the game that's the issue. I don't mind watching him play most of the time. It's the sacrafice that he's willing to make for that game and his friends that he won't for his family. I don't even mind the time spent so much as i mind the fact that he still gets mad about things not getting done while he spends his time playing.
I don't know what i want from him. That's the problem. With the exception of wanting him to treat our girls with love and kindness, i don't know what i want. I just know i don't want to feel like this anymore and I don't know how to fix it. I know that i don't want to hurt and sit here an cry at my desk at work because i feel lost. How do i tell him what i want, when i don't even know.
I get what you say about working on my R with him first. I don't want my girls to get the impression that it's ok for a man who is supposed to love his wife to treat her like she's unimportant. Luckily, he's been so busy with his games that we haven't fought much. He hasn't said mean things or been hurtful. He's just been there. I do know that the ways little girls grow up with their fathers can deeply effect the way they look at future relationships. Love does not leave a little girl standing shocked and crying in the kitchen because she made a mistake. Love is firm, but supportive of her, explaining how not to mess up again and that accidents happen. How long do i let him treat her like that before I put my foot down and stand up for her?
sorry if that came out sounding really bad... it's been a rough day!
thanks again ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
ann
