well, h is out tonight on his "designated" 2 nights out with ow. I'm not as crazed about it as I was last week, but it still sucks. I'm trying to GAL, even thinking seroiusly about going back to school.
It's so true what they say about our spouses becoming aliens (esp. with affair going on). We have our first counseling session tomorrow and the focus will be on how to co-parent our daughter through this. I will NOT discuss "getting back together" or that I want him back or anything. I know that will just push him away.
And to be honest, with the way he has been the past 2 months, I am really beginning to doubt him as a person and really wonder if I could ever get past the pain he has caused everyone around him (me and d5 included). He is like someone I don't know right now. Completely selfish.
I am working on "my side of the street" and have been taking many actions to bring money into the house and take care of myself. Had therapy today which really helped. I"m getting back into al-anon (mom is qualifiyer).
The thing is, I am now in the "lonely stage". Will anyone ever love me again? Will anyone ever say those words to me again? It's such a lonely feeling. and I am doing the "stop" sign technique in terms of ow, but on nights like tonight it's hard.
I NEVER thought in a million years he would do this. He was such a family man and came from a family that never divorces, etc. I just can't believe his behavior. I almost feel like I'm living with an alcoholic (which he isn't), but it's the "crazy making". I know I need to detatch.
IN terms of the pregnancy, I don't think I am. I took another test and it came up neg. I am still going to doc next week to confirm, but I'm sure h will be VERY relieved (not to mention ow). And I find it incredible that when there was a moment when we thought I could be, he was like, "well then we will work things out". What about the daughter he has now who cries every day he is gone???
