It could be for "you" but I don't think that was the intentions behind the book. I don't think anyone ever suggest adultery as a form of working on your marriage, which is the premise behind DB'ing...... but wadda I know?
M: 39 H: 40 D: 12 S: 9 Married: 10 years Together: 11 years Dday- March 14th, 2008 Bomb-I don't love you-Easter 2008
Currently-living in same home, slowly working back towards a marriage.
Funny you don't know me but assume I lack self respect...that's a great one. Why is it that I am being attacked here by you? How can you even begin to judge me?
So what? I make different choices than you. Big Deal!!!! You make your choices for your life and situation and I will make mine. Mine may not work for me and hell, yours may prove to be fruitless for you too. So in the end we will compare notes. Neither one of us may be any better off than the other.
Needing male companionship does not mean that the woman needing it lacks self respect or self love...it means in my case that I don't know how to be alone and quite honestly don't want to be alone. I enjoy friendships with both men and women and this friendship with a man turned into a sexual relationship as well. Sure you don't agree and neither do most here however I only post my lifes details here as a means to lay it out on the table...get advice, opinions, and also share something that may help someone else or in the end save a marriage whether or not it's mine. None of this makes what I am doing wrong, just different than the norm for this group. Honestly maybe just sitting back and reading what I post and trying to see a different side would be OK for you to do...not just instantly force your judgements and 'shame on you Heather' mentality onto me.
I do appreciate your opinion as you are entitled to them as much as anyone else however the insults are not needed just as you don't want them from FG.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Very true it doesn't go with the DB'ing method of 180's or GAL's but I have always been unconventional. I have never followed the rules and analyze everything because there has to be more than one answer to a question...more than one possibility.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Bare with me a little.. I have alot of "Drama" in my head right now and it is a little frustrating. If I seem a little off its because I am. It's not you (MMB). I am going to try and push through it. Hopefully.. I can get this done.
Off we go...
My issue with you is that you don't respond. We have touched on this before in that I gave adviCe, and you did not respond to it. You disregarded it all together. I can cut you some slack on that because we all make mistakes. We all walk thru this "crazy" time when it is really apparent we have NFC. Let there be no misunderstanding that you are telling me and everyone here that you want to change. I can't say I can save your marriage. I can make you a better you. In the long run thats all that is important. You for whatever reason.. were placed in this position. What you take away from it will effect you for the rest of your life. You can bet on that.
In posting I am showing you that I care. It takes a lot of time and effort to do this. I am not going to judge you, I am going to say some things that are harsh. You can disagree, call me out, argue with me.. all I ask in return is you listen and apply what I am telling you. Its going to be hard. It is going to make you cry. It is going to feel all wrong. Don't leave me hanging.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I apologize if you feel I was insulting you. I can only respond to what I do know and that is what I've read. My position of lacking respect for yourself was not meant to be an insult.
If what you are doing is working well for you. Great! I am very happy for you. Take care.
M: 39 H: 40 D: 12 S: 9 Married: 10 years Together: 11 years Dday- March 14th, 2008 Bomb-I don't love you-Easter 2008
Currently-living in same home, slowly working back towards a marriage.
Very true it doesn't go with the DB'ing method of 180's or GAL's.
If you don't want to DB why are you here.
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but I have always been unconventional.
You aren't being unconventional, you are doing exactly what your H did. He ran to someone to make himself feel better and you did the same thing. It is just you don't like that he did it.
Quote:
there has to be more than one answer to a question...more than one possibility.
Have you told the man with whom you are having this sexual relationship why you are doing it? Have you told him you need male companionship and don't know how to be alone now that your H has left you? Have you told this man that you started this sexual relationship before you knew your H started his?
Ok, we know the answers to these questions. You already said so. Does your unconventional answers include dishonesty. We know you haven't told this man. Why? Because if he is a decent man, he would run away from you. You know this. We know this.
This is the time to stand up and hold yourself accountable to a higher standard. If not, you are no better than the husband who left you. Perhaps we have a glimpse into the reason he left you.
