Originally Posted By: ann25

....
I know that everyone said it was so important to be firm, so important to make him talk to me and so important to make things clear now and that was the plan... By the end of the weekend, i realized something. I don't want to have to fight him just to get him to talk to me. I shouldn't have to do that should i?

....

I know that's the wrong attitude to have and that i deserve a whole bunch of 2x4s for it, but i just can't seem to shake it. Maybe it's just a bad few days.


Hiya Ann...
I think you posted all that, 'cause you know you need something... so here it is \:D



Ann: You gotta get out of the "shouldnt have to" mode.
It's killing your chance at a better marriage. It's giving you an excuse to play "poor me", and not DO ANYTHING!

If you dont do anything... then nothing will change.
If you dont do anything, you know your husband wont either \:\(


Forget about "I shouldnt have to..".
Start thinking about "I NEED TO...".


yes, you're absolutely right.. you "shouldnt have to".
In a fully functional, both-parties-actively-work-on-the-marriage situation... you wouldnt need to.

Unfortunately, your marriage isnt like that right now. Your husband is not actively working on your marriage. (and unfortunatley, the primary reason for that, is that you've 'told' him by your actions and non-actions, that it is OK for him not to work on your marriage)

A way that you can GET there, though, is to confront him about this.

In the first day you talked about, sounds like your biggest mistake, was not talk to him right away.

You tried "we needed to talk later", and it obviously didnt work. This isnt surprising; There will always be a "special part".

What's more important, that "special part" of a GAME, or your marriage and family?
I know your answer.
Tonight, ask him for his answer. Dont accept evasion tactics, attempts to change the subject or distract you, etc. Insist on a direct answer.
Then If (sadly.. IF) his answer is "the marriage is more important", then ask him to prove it by talking to you Right Now.

Seems like putting it off, only made you feel worse.

So... dont put it off any longer? try again tonight. It's a tough thing to do... but you'll feel better after it is done with.



Last edited by Dom R; 04/16/08 08:08 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle