Jack I have no intention of missing her birthday. However painful this is for me I will be there.
Naej you are right about the acrimony. I'm tired of that and never wanted any of it. I don't believe it will change Hs behaviour towards me whatever I do.
TL thanks for your good wishes.
It's 3am and I have absolutely no idea what to do. I should be focusing on what is going to happen at the meeting with the truancy officer in the morning but instead all this talk of D is going round and round in my head. It's so obvious to me that my S15 is hurting from all of this. He and his sisters have been my motivation for standing but what has it achieved?
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
This morning the school truancy team has visited (at my request). They had arranged to come for 9.30am and for once it was hard to keep S15 here until they arrived. Don't get me wrong he wasn't chomping at the bit to go but I had to be devious to keep him here. I don't feel good about that but this meeting was crucial to his future and I hope one day he will thank me for it.
H didn't turn up.
The guy who seemed to be in charge of the convo made it perfectly clear to S15 that if he persisted in playing truant he would fine H and I £500. Then he asked if H was around (presumbably b/c he wasn't at the meeting) and when I said no he doesn't live with us he told son that in that case he would fine me £500. I'm hoping that will be the shock he needs but on his way out the door to school he defiantly said 'that was clever of you to get yourself a £500 fine'. So who knows.
It did come out in the convo that he has a problem with one particular teacher (which he hadn't told me about) and so I have made an appointment to see her boss (as advised by the main truancy man).
When they had gone I phoned my L. She was just about to see clients so couldn't speak to me so I'm still no further forward with my decision.
Right now I just want to disappear.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Oh I"m sorry this hasn't been a good run for you lately sweetie. It sounds like S is really angry and directing it at the wrong parent...it may not make you feel any better but I do believe that is so typical. He knows good and well which parent "deserves" the damn fine.
I hope you stand in front of the mirror and tell yourselves 10 times what a terrific and loving mother you are, and what a faithful and loving spouse. Because it is true, whether it "feels" true or not.
Thanks AH. I do tell myself all of these things but sometimes it is just so hard to actually believe them!
I just spoke with my L to find out what my options are. She gave me an opt for now by saying she would contact Hs L and let him know that I am still considering my options. I'm still not sure I can make up my mind what to do. When I first came here I remember seeing advice that said do not fight the D but let them do all the work. It's just that to me that feels like giving in and sending a message that I no longer care when in reality I care very much.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I'm still not sure I can make up my mind what to do. When I first came here I remember seeing advice that said do not fight the D but let them do all the work. It's just that to me that feels like giving in and sending a message that I no longer care when in reality I care very much.
I felt exactly the same way. I felt like every time I completed a form, or provided information, I was making something happen that I so didn't want to happen. But there isn't a choice when the law requires it. As naej said, doing what the law requires, at the last minute required, isn't giving up at all. Looking out for your interests and the children's interests isn't giving up either, it is respecting yourself, IMO at least.
This is just tough and it sucks. Commiseration isn't worth much, but you got it.
At the moment the law isn't requiring anything as I haven't actually been served with any papers and the financial disclosure is voluntary.
My decision is whether when the papers come I agree to it or I contest it (which will be more costly). As Naej said I could fight and (by some miracle) win but when he has been left 5 yrs (ie another 2.5yrs) he can get a D w/o my consent anyway. Therefore I may end up spending a lot of money on something that will happen sooner or later anyway. He isn't going to wait patiently for the total 5 years hence all the spew.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
It's just that to me that feels like giving in and sending a message that I no longer care when in reality I care very much.
Never allow your heart to suffer in name of love love is an act of happiness not of suffering
Never allow your eyes to shed tears for someone who will never make you laugh
Never allow your name to be uttered in vain by a man who isn't worth it
Never waste time with someone who will never have time for you
Never allow your feet to walk in the direction of a man who keeps running away from you
Never allow hurt, loneliness, resentment, jelousy and anger to weaken the amazing power that God put in you.
Quote:
He and his sisters have been my motivation for standing but what has it achieved?
What have you achieved??? you've gone on with your life! your life didnt' stop because he left, your motivation are your kids and YOU, because you deserve to be happy. So whatever you did didn't make H come back, that doesnt' make you a failure, you fought to the bitter end and your kids know that, you didn't just give up and got yourself a bandaid/om. You didnt' take the easy way out, you have so much to be proud of, you stood up for your M, your kids and God have seen that.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat, Its the use of the past tense that bothers me so. I'm far from ready to give up on this. In my mind my M may be dormant but it is not completley dead. I conceed that is quite the opposite to how H feels.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
