Perhaps the convo should start with, we really need to talk about our future. You asked me to give you time to find a job and get settled, and you have. But I do not feel like things are moving forward. There will never be a perfect time, we will always have stresses in our lives, but I need some answers.
Sorry KLM for butting in but Michelle..... Can I use this??? It seems that I am headed down the same road as KLM except W still lives here......
KLM, I think there comes a point that WE just need be ready to move on. No more games, No more waiting for the "right time"... WE need some answers from out spouses NOW... Do they want to work on our marriage or not... It's really that simple... If yes great then lets get things started... If Not great then let’s get things started.....I think you are at the same place as me. I am tired and either wants to work on what I have or start a new life... no more fences sitting.... I now return your thread back to you...
Thanks Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Husband, I think you are about where I am with H. I think we both feel that we need to move on...with or without them. It is just so draining and frustrating. There will never be a right time. Conditions will never be perfect. There will always be something.
I just have to be sure I can follow through with what I say when I decide to have this talk.
There is nothing that says that you have to be ready for that talk right now. Take your time and wait things out and see how you feel say a month from now or 2 months from now. The one thing I have really learned from all of this is that I have to do things when I feel comfortable with it and not when others tell me to or look at anyone time line. I have to be comfortable with my choices and when I am ready, I know.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
No one is telling me to have this talk with H. It is an internal struggle I am having with myself. One day I want to give the ultimatum and the next day I don't know if I can. I guess my struggle is because I feel that I NEED to, whether I WANT to or not...otherwise I may never have the courage to if I wait until I am "ready".
My dad walked out on my mother about 5 years ago. My mother was devastated. After waiting for a very long time she still couldn't bring herself to file for D. I am not sure why, but my dad never did either. Here they are...5 years later...still married. They never see each other, they live in different towns, they never talk. I think my mother just can't bring herself to take that step. I will not allow my situation to turn into that. I can't be in limbo for 5 years!!
I am just so tired. Some days I feel like I just need to let this go, let H go, and move on with my life. I am worried that my need to hang on to this marriage is because I simply don't want to be D....and not because I love my H. I honestly don't know if I love him anymore.
Well, with everything that has happened, I am not surprised you are confused and wonder if you love him. I certainly can see why you don't like him lately - and love definitely gets buried under that.
Well, give it a week or so and work on getting what you need to do in line with what you want to do - meaning wanting an answer and being okay with the answer.
I think the best way to do that is to work on your PMA. Surround yourself with friends and fun and get so you feel better all around. Remind yourself that you WILL be okay no matter what happens.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yes, I am confused. I just think...how could he have done that to me??? He became a different person when he met OW. I mean he really did. I don't like the new person...and I'm not sure what she liked about him. I don't know if I would ever be able to let go of the past anyway. I thought I could....but it seems I keep dwelling on it and don't know how to let it go. I don't know if I would ever be relaxed in this relationship again.
I am going to dinner with some friends tonight. It should get my mind off of things for a little while.
I just really wonder what is going through H's mind. How can he stand this? I don't get it.
I recently told my H that I don't like the new person he has became. I told him that I understand that he is working on his outside (losing weight, hair cuts and colors, tanning etc) but his inside has turned ugly and in the the big picture has made him an ugly person. I think telling him that really shocked him, but he understood what I was saying.
I did not mean that you needed to wait 5 years! My goodness that is too much. Your parents must really be having a difficult time being in limo like that.
However....if you need to wait another month to gather your thoughts and to mentally prepare to talk to him, then that is okay.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
My H is constantly working on the outside too. He even told me "I thought when I lost weight and got in better shape I would finally be happy with myself.". Then a couple of months later after having extensive dental work done..."I thought when I got my teeth fixed I would finally be happy with myself." ...It is just constantly something. I don't see why he doesn't understand it is internal, not external. I agree with you Sara...my H is just getting uglier.
Yes five years is a very long time. I really don't get it.
