Thank you for your response in part 2 of my series.
Quote:
On a personal note, I blasted several folks in my family for bringing it up...You should love her more than you love me.
Good for you. I wish my H would stand up for me like this. His sister both when we first got engaged and now has had some not so nice words to say about me. She is now the expert on me and my M even though she has only seen me twice in the past 8 yrs.
I should take a stance with my family. Despite all my H has done I hurt him very badly and that hurt and anger can make a sane person act crazy. I want to stand up for the man I know he is and the man my family adores.
My plan created by my DB coach hasn't been working quite as I planned, but not in a bad way. I haven't had much of a chance to show him my consistent behavior in contacting him b/c he keeps contacting me first. He goes and gets new movies every Tuesday and yesterday called to ask if I wanted to see anything. I didn't have any suggestions so he said he would pick me up anything he thought I would like then suggested that I come over to hang out. I wasn't able to make it last night but plan on it today. He also emailed me today just to chat.
On another topic he is going to sin city this weekend for a reunion of old navy buddies. PMA PMA PMA and prayer, lots of it. Luckily he will only get to spend Friday night and Saturday there, but really I am not to worried.
Last edited by HOPEFULinCALI; 04/16/0807:34 PM.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I would only do it if they keep 'bugging' you about it. I dug a big line in the sand because of other issues involved. Haven't talked to them since. Talk about detaching. And I've felt more detached from sitch---nice unexpected side-bonus.
Quote:
I haven't had much of a chance to show him my consistent behavior in contacting him b/c he keeps contacting me first.
that is really aggravating...it's like earlier in my sitch. I was trying to leave W alone, but had to see her like every other day. On a positive for you, he is contacting you first. Also, something to remember, just cause you say "new plan" doesn't mean he'll cooperate right away. So, it gets a mini-delayed start. Don't worry about it. You know what you want to do when you are able to implement. Meanwhile, keep positive, friendly, and I still think you are being consistent...I just think you are frustrated by the mini-baby steps.
Quote:
anything he thought I would like then suggested that I come over to hang out. I wasn't able to make it last night but plan on it today. He also emailed me today just to chat.
ummm...you seem frustrated here to me. Like you want more than more movies and email chat today...maybe I am wrong. I don't get the movie invite, but I know I get frustrated at the time it takes to just get measurable success.
I appreciate your post on my current thread. I thought I'd let you know here that in addition to
Quote:
...love isn't just a feeling but a choice...
that I get a lot of strength from something I learned several Sunday's back...Real love is loving and expecting nothing in return.
Real Love and Proverbs 3:5-6, that's what gives me all my strength. It gives me the courage to try when I have no clue. And it gives me the wisdom knowing the Lord is at the helm.
HIC~ Just checkin in...it's nice to see your H is offering to have you over for movies...looks like stage 2 is working well for you that is awesome!! Keep it up!
I talked with my DB coach yesterday. We have a plan in place. So for now, it is just being patient. I am going to continue no contact; we both agreed, it feeds his ego way too much for me to contact him. I will be waiting, patiently unfortunatly for now!! Work is really busy, so at least I have something to keep my time occupied! Thank the Lord for that
Take Care, HUGS Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
ummm...you seem frustrated here to me. Like you want more than more movies and email chat today...maybe I am wrong. I don't get the movie invite, but I know I get frustrated at the time it takes to just get measurable success.
We have been in turmoil for about a 1.5yrs now and I AM frustrated waiting for our M to get back on track. I have talked to a handful of therapist since the bomb and our black widow therapist (little harsh, but true). I have talked about the sitch so much that I think it has become so matter of fact. As all the therapist tell me; I am so calm when I talk about the sitch. I suppose that comes across in my writing.
I am on my new DB diet. I'm cutting out the expectations. So I have been pleasantly surprised by him making the effort to build a friendship these last few weeks. I'm holding on to these things as you suggested.d
Thx always!
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I have talked to a handful of therapist since the bomb and our black widow therapist (little harsh, but true). I have talked about the sitch so much that I think it has become so matter of fact.
I think that at first it helps, but at some point it is not helpful. Like counselor asked me about it today...she doesn't really care. Just a matter of fact thing. I guess that is some detaching b/c I didn't really want to share. Almost like a separate part of life. Heck I don't know. I just know that when you get sick of talking about it and matter of fact with some people then it is time to tell them "I do not want to talk about it." or maybe friendly for some, in my case, "she is friendlier and friendlier each time we interact." the end.
Quote:
I am on my new DB diet. I'm cutting out the expectations.
that helps a lot I think. Like me thinking W will call yesterday or today b/c of blank...can't just sit back and expect, hope, etc...doesn't help. Waiting is frustrating. Expecting is worse because of the potential let down.
HiC, 2 time for me to chime in on your quote...it helps to do it...
Quote:
I should take a stance with my family.
thought I'd let you know, that I was asked by some different family members about sitch Sunday. I told them as nicely as I could, "quite honestly, I don't want to talk about it. I know how many people feel and I don't want to hear it. They are only thinking of me, now. They are not thinking of W, 5D, or our family." It feels good knowing I won't have to talk about it with them anymore.
I tell you this because it is helping me a lot, perhaps it will you too. Eliminate all but the positive, helpful, supportive and don't lean on those few to often.
HiC, Check out my dedicated - any comment on W's buzzard comments?
Wow, I am back from Puerto Rico and I feel rejuvenated. It was really nice to get away from it all.
Now, on to the situation...
We talked last night on the phone for 2 hours. It ranged from the divorce, to our relationship, to my trip, and her past week. All in all, it was pretty nice. Today I asked her this: "Great, I will see you Tuesday night for our Survivor and ice cream DATE! Beware, there will be a little romance involved. That's a hint in case you want to cancel."
Her response, "What time? Will tonight work? I watched it; but I'll watch it again."
I said, "Sure tonight I can make work. Come over about 8:30."
I don't know what to think about that.
She is still planning on getting her own place and moving in May 1st. Since we had our first court date (March 27th); she has been living with friends in another town.
I know I shouldn't; but I take her moving into her own place as such a negative aspect of our relationship. It seems to me that there is no moving back once she moves out. I hope she feels different.
HiC, I think the movie thing is awesome. There is no doubt he likes your company. I might be dumb here by forcing the romance; but it seems like she isn't fighting it. I will let you all know how it goes tonight.
Beware, there will be a little romance involved. That's a hint in case you want to cancel."
Her response, "What time? Will tonight work? I watched it; but I'll watch it again."
you warned her and she still wants to show up...that sounds like a good thing to me. And besides, she's already seen it and still wants to show. That's like watching the end of the ballgame again. Why do that? Hope you all goes well and have a good time. "as if"
Well, it didn't go as well as I would have liked; but I believe my expectations were too high. We hung out on the couch and watched TV. I held her hand and stroked her hair; but nothing was really reciprocated. At the end of the night, we exchanged hugs and a peck on the lips. As I walked her to her car, I gave her another hug and tried for another kiss. I went about 90%; but she moved her head and just hugged me. I know I was pushing it too much. Well, I will learn from my mistakes and move on.
after that fiasco, I am REALLY trying to just be an unconditional friend. My main emotion nowadays is just scared. I am scared that nothing I am doing is working to get her to change her mind. Today she meets with her lawyer to see what the next step is to proceed with the divorce. Also, she is moving out of the house on May 1st.
Thank you all for your support. HiC, you still out there?
that is awesome!! Keep it up!