Refuse To Lose, Part VII

[Dom R]

Saying that YOU dont wish to be around OM, and YOU wont be there if he is, is not controlling your wife. It is you, exerting control over YOURSELF.

Gotta be careful how you word it though, to avoid making it a demand, or implied demand.

A poor way, would be telling her what to do. ie:

"Dont invite OM, or I wont come".

An "appropriate boundary" way, would be

"I do not wish to be around OM. If he is going to be there, I wont be".

That's not telling her what to do. That is leaving the choice up to her, and merely informing her what consequences her choices may have.

That being said... i definately agree with the other folks: you should state clearly that you will be there now, since she has stated OM will not be.

Will my going be "backing down" and making me look "weak?"

Going there, is not "backing down".
NOT going there, when you told her the reason you werent coming was OM, would be "backing down", and making your word look weak.

Go for your daughter's birthday, ON her birthday. thats what will mean the most to her.