and jim_van... our D, now 5 turned 3 and I really started doing my own thing. before her 3rd bday, i miscarried maybe four times and when D5 turned 3, i decided i'd not try again. birth control was on the list of things to do. too late, babyson was on his way... I told H stop drinking or i'm leaving when I was 5 months into the term. Now son is one. We've been on this "route" or whatever for a while.
H said tonight, I wish it was two years from now and everything was good. I replied, I wish it was two years ago... this would be a heckuva lot easier for me...
anyway...
i'm not coming back for a while
mat ~ have at the board, i wont read your stuff. there are a lot of things i said on here I regret and didn't mean and wish you'd never read, i'm glad you saw past most of it. thank you.
and...
to anyone reading...
today facilitated an actual discussion where I got "validated". an actual real wonderful and "grown up" kind of conversation where the threat of my words to H wasn't so blatant or acute.
i have my feelings, they're real. i know they change, too... that's why I came here in the first place
