Going on Four Weeks MLCer Home

[ACJ]

SF,
I'm so sorry to hear this. I too have had the news I've been dreading today.

I think this is interesting:

said he is afraid of me because of that text he sent to me saying he cannot do this anymore, that he is miserable.......................

FWIW I think he is afraid of your strength throughout all of this. You have stood by him every step of the way and yet he can't even tell you face to face that he is leaving again. He's not getting the reaction he expects and it is confusing him.

I do hope he reconsiders and that this is just another very sharp dip in the rollercoaster ride.

I wish I had your strength.

[mishka422]

((((SF))))

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this again.

Protect your heart and don't just go dark.....GO BLACK! Completely!

Your kids are old enough that if they want to see him then they can contact him themselves. Don't talk to him, text, accept texts from him, emails, NOTHING!

I know you are so strong and able to do this. Do it for you....not him. He has to figure his own crap out now. You can't be worrying about him anymore. It will only drag you down and destroy you.

Much love and hugs to you SF. You are an awesome woman with awesome strength. I'm praying for you and your family.

[MidwesternGirl]

he did not come home at all nor did he call anyone of the kids with the exception of S yesterday afternoon.

i cannot sleep as i feel like i have been used, feel dirty that he went back to ow, etc. i really feel cheap. it sickens me because he is so far gone mentally due to the drinking. the only one he will admit he has to stop drinking is our son.

[ACJ]

the only one he will admit he has to stop drinking is our son

That is a terrible burden on your son. My opinion is torn b/c part of me thinks he shouldn't be putting this burden on your S17 but on the other hand it is providing a link to the family.

SF take care of yourself. I hope he didn't go back to OW and that he is just holed up somewhere thinking things through. My heart goes out to you. I think you need YRs advice here she is the only one I know that has been through a similar sitch.

[MidwesternGirl]

S17 likes talking to his dad and since he has been known to drink at parties and get sick from it, H has lectured him on alcohol abuse, believe it or not.

H does not discuss OW to S17 but this is where H returned because he has nowhere else to go so yes, he did go back to her.

[ACJ]

since he has been known to drink at parties and get sick from it, H has lectured him on alcohol abuse, believe it or not.

Yes I can believe it. My H has given similar lectures to my S15 (although not about alcohol he leaves that to me!). Its so sad that they can't see that they are exhibiting the same behaviour (although it does sound as if your H is at least partially admitting he has a problem)

If YRs H is anything to go by if your H cycles again it will get longer each time. If you can bear to go through this repeatedly I'm sure you know we are all here for you. If you can't we are still there.

[almosthopeful]

((((SF)))),

I am so sorry your situation has taken this turn. MLC combined with alcohol abuse just makes for a disaster, IMO. The advice to go dark and live your life seems about all you can do right now to save your sanity.

I'm sending you prayers for strength and hugs for comfort.

AH

[Upside]

(((sf)))
Your H clearly needs to deal with his issues before he can be in an R with anyone. I hope and pray he finds the help he needs.

I can only imagine how hard the thought of letting him go again is for you. Take care of yourself and your kids.

<3
Upside

[Cinderellaman]

(((((((((((Steelers))))))))))))))) I'm so very sorry !!!!

Please keep praying for God will be there for you.

You are in my prayers too !

[Bworl]

SF,

I'm sorry that you're in this position again because of him.

There are no guarantees in this mess called MLC. I'm convinced that it really doesn't matter whether you take a tough love approach or a kid gloves approach. They either come out of it or they don't. Seems to me that with MLC, DB'ing has always been about US, not about THEM.

I want to mention one thing you posted earlier:

it sickens me because he is so far gone mentally due to the drinking.

The drinking, like the OW, is a symptom of the mess that is going on inside of him. He drinks to escape responsibility that he doesn't want to have to deal with. He didn't return to the OW because of his drinking. He returned to the OW because he's still messed up inside and is not ready to do the hard work needed to heal your relationship.

Despite his comments about shared interests and love, you know differently. Those were justification comments that were said for the benefit of you and him. He wants to believe that it was love - somehow in his mind that makes what he's done less grievous. He also does not want your perception that she was a bandaid to be vindicated.

I hate that this has happened, but you are strong, you HAVE grown and moved on with your life, and you will eventually be fine. It's time to let him go.

He needs to return completely of his own accord, and because he has finally gotten his head clear and straight.

I agree with no contact. Are you prepared for that?


Blessings,

Bill