Thanks AH. I do tell myself all of these things but sometimes it is just so hard to actually believe them!
I just spoke with my L to find out what my options are. She gave me an opt for now by saying she would contact Hs L and let him know that I am still considering my options. I'm still not sure I can make up my mind what to do. When I first came here I remember seeing advice that said do not fight the D but let them do all the work. It's just that to me that feels like giving in and sending a message that I no longer care when in reality I care very much.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15