Internet friendships?

[kolle]

Hi Ann

I know I have been neglecting my W for many years. I know now that I was a complete A&&hole. (I also know that I am not the only one to blame, but since I am now DBing and the past is the past it is not important)

I know that her being secretive is a test (that I mean to pass with flying colours), but I am also convinced now that she is secretive because she has renewed her friendship with the OM she had the OEA with. But as I said. I am working at detaching myself from all that. Thinking about it just wants me to commit murder! (He called her all kinds of pet names, and when I confronted him (last year November) he had the nerve to say it was all innocent friendship because there was no sex involved) So I am ... Calm... Detached... Breathing in deep... Imagining myself in a happy place... etc. I will not go down that cheeseless tunnel again! My W made the final decision to D me when (because?) I contacted the guy.

As far as the pics are concerned, with all due respect Ann, you are a female and would not know how males respond to certain images. Yes, as I said in my post I am probably overreacting. While she was still attached to the first guy and we were in C we had a big fight about a specific pic she posted on Myspace. So she asked her Myspace friends to comment on the pic. One woman replied and said there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. Two guys responded, one said "Innocent yet soooo seductive" and the other one said something like "Very sexy!" A third guy stole the pic and posted it on his own profile with a few others under a heading, something like, "most sexy pics on the net". So even if the males validated my feelings about the pic, my w would just point to the woman who said there was nothing wrong.

What you and Sandi said about her self image is really serious. If I had contributed to her having a low self esteem I must really find out how and try to correct it. I believe I have always complemented her when I felt she looked beautiful, which was often because she really is a stunner. But I may have put her off in other ways. After I discovered her sexual OA I have been having these severe fits of rage, I would scream at her that she was a wh*re and an adulterer, and I think I really wanted to hurt her as she had hurt me. But she started posting those pics before all that. (I am really ashamed of my actions now, but I also have better insight now. I read that fits of rage are normal in post traumatic stress syndrome, which is what abandoned people suffer from. Of course that is no excuse, just as an unhappy M is no excuse for an A)

I think the most difficult part of DBing is self insight: It is easy to say I have to change and do 180's, but to gain the insight to know my own mistakes, faults and shortcomings so that I can know what to change... I hope the wisdom comes earlier rather than later!

Someone said, If wisdom only comes with old age, I should guard against it, for what would and old man want to do with it anyway?

I do not want to post a link to my W facebook account, because I do not want to compomise her privacy.

Thanx for posting

Kolle