My R with my wife has been very stressed for a long time. Last year she said that she loved me but was not in love with me. I knew she was unhappy but this really shook me up. I went to a marrage counsler by myself and started working on my anger issues. I read DB and started putting some of the ideas into practice. Things seemed to be improving and then I discovered she had been texting her ex husband for the last year. I flew off the handle and accused her of an EA. We had some rough days and long discussions and she said that he listens and I don't. She said that she will not talk to him anymore. I asked her if the things I have been doing have improved our R and she said very little. I don't know if I'm on the wrong track or she is really hurt and trying to protect her feelings. She admitted to thinking about D and I knew she had been. I know I don't always listen to her and forget some of the things she has told me. When I ask a question about something she has told me or just forget it she automaticlly turnes ice cold. After reading several postings I started the LR and doing a 180d by joing a golf league and signing up to take a class at the local community college. What I need is advise on how to learn to listen better, is there a good book out there I can read? How do I avoid upsetting her and what do I do when it happens? How do I stay positive while I watch my life crash down around me? How much space and time do I give her to recover from accusing her of having an EA? How do you get over the distrust? I know now she did not physically have an EA with him but it was emotional and that to me is almost as bad.
