It may be wise at some stage to have a discussion with W on the cultural differences between British and Japanese ways of handling relationships with people outside of your M. Certainly get her to understand that whilst the Japanese way is not to cause offence,over in the UK you are allowed to upset people and not feel bad about yourself. I think she needs to know her behaviour towards 2nd OM is actually giving him tacit encouragement to keep texting and he's gonna keep doing it until she says "NO". She may want to spare his feelings, but you need to let her know how inappropriate this sort of contact is.
To be honest I think you've changed and grown enough to be able to set some boundries to help you and W define your new R. The first one would be to positively bin 2nd OM I think his attentions are a distraction you can you without. Remember you're not laying down the law and you are not putting pressure on W you are just having a honest discussion.
With regards to OM numero uno, I believe this will fade, so feel free to come here and vent when it gets to you. And if you keep working on "big bad Stevie boy" then W may make him fade quicker than you think.
