the only one he will admit he has to stop drinking is our son
That is a terrible burden on your son. My opinion is torn b/c part of me thinks he shouldn't be putting this burden on your S17 but on the other hand it is providing a link to the family.
SF take care of yourself. I hope he didn't go back to OW and that he is just holed up somewhere thinking things through. My heart goes out to you. I think you need YRs advice here she is the only one I know that has been through a similar sitch.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15